The opinions of others.
I suppose for many of us the opinion of others matter. If you are like me you find yourself striving to be liked, and upset when you feel you are not.
Recently, I had someone share her opinion of me. It was not very complimentary, and it hurt my feelings. I found myself battling tears for days, and really questioning myself.
I had not asked for her opinion, but she had offered it non-the-less. I knew there was some truth in what she had said, and I think this is why it bothered me so much. As much as I had tried to change, it seemed to be part of who I was.
I wish I could say that I just brushed off her words, and got on with life, but I didn't. I dwelled on them for weeks feeling worse each time I replayed our conversation. I found myself engaging less with others, perhaps thinking that they too might share her less than positive opinion of me.
What I eventually realized was that I was allowing her opinion to define me. After all, it was just what she thought, and why did I give it so much credence? I kept thinking that if I could come up with enough people who felt differently, I might somehow be able to prove her wrong.
But in doing so I would once again be defining myself through the eyes and opinions of others. Learning to not only accept yourself, but to like yourself can be a life-long struggle for some. What I've come to understand is that not everyone will like you, just as you probably don't necessarily like everyone you meet.
Looking towards others for confirmation either positively or negatively in the long run can be counterproductive. We all can probably improve or grow, but that will never be accomplished if we hold too fast to others' opinions, and find ourselves holding back what we may have to offer to the world.
Your words are very wise. I think that wash of shame that comes over us when we get a glimpse of how someone else views us is debilitating. Being an obliger, it feels so unsettling to have a bad opinion roaming around the world.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting your use of the word shame. I think I did feel a sense of that, not so much because I was ashamed, but rather more that I had fallen short of "being perfect." Doesn't Brene Brown write about shame?
DeleteI keep thinking that I will come to a point in my life when I will not care what others think of me. It hasn’t happened yet, though. I suppose “consider the source” might be a good way to assess the opinion. I especially like when the “source” begins the comment with, “I hope you don’t take offense…”
ReplyDeleteThe more I thought about it I came to the conclusion that the "source"'really didn't know me. I hope I can keep this in mind when assessing others "opinions." Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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