2022 Revisited

 

2022 was primarily a year of adjusting to our new home and community. It was an opportunity to meet new friends, and to become involved in our new church. Both Chuck and I participated in weekly Bible studies, and enjoyed becoming more a part of De Leon. 

I continued to watch the boys two days a week. Since the oldest is now in school I spent most of my day with the middle and youngest grandsons. I must say this is the highlight of my week. I have so enjoyed being a part of their lives, and have been carrying for the baby since he was three weeks old. That all keep me physically fit, and laughing!

This year brought the addition to several new animals to our ranch. In early spring we brought on board six chickens. We began raising them in a large box in our library. When they we old enough we moved them out to their coop. Sadly, one day when I returned home I discovered one of them was missing. Some predator with a good grip had pulled out two of them, and had made off with one of our chickens. We reinforced the coop and ended up getting a rooster that we named Romeo from our daughter. One of her hens had turned out to be a rooster, and we were looking for one. Although, after experiencing how mean Romeo is that has become a questionable decision. 

At the end of May we adopted two kittens. They were brother and sister, and absolutely adorable. Our oldest grandson named them Ranger and Bluebonnet without skipping a beat. They spent their first month inside sleeping in our laundry room, and then moved to the barn to do their job as mousers. Watching the two of them play together was delightful, and I immediately warmed up to the little boy who was a little snuggler. 

Sadly, at the beginning of December, Ranger came up missing when Chuck went to collect them to put them in the barn before it got dark. He searched for about an hour with no luck. With fifty acres of woods next door I was heartbroken to think that he might not be coming back. I held out hope for several weeks, always looking for him toward the horizon. Meanwhile, Bluebonnet got her wish to be an indoor cat during the day. She still sleeps at night in the barn. We are hoping to not have a repeat experience of two copperheads in the barn this spring. 

At the beginning of August Chuck came across a posting about two female Black Mouth Curs being abandoned in a neighboring community. We ended up adopting both, and couldn’t believe our luck. That is until they began fighting very viciously. We were at our wits end as to what to do. We separated their sleeping quarters, and did not feed them together. We were certain that we would have to give away one of them. Apparently sisters don’t always get along. We had noticed one of the dogs, Honey, seemed quite anxious. We talked with our vet and decided to put her on medication for anxiety. She became a completely different dog, and now Ginger and Honey co-exist pretty well together. 

They have turned out to be good dogs, and Chuck is over the moon about them. 

Chuck began working from home in August which really was a Godsend as the long weekly commute and being apart during the week had quickly become old. We feel very fortunate that this opportunity was afforded to him, and now he drives in twice a month which is much more tolerable.  

2022 brought Covid to both of us, except at different times. Chuck got ill in July while still living in the apartment. I on the other hand waited until November so I could miss Thanksgiving. It’s the first time I didn’t get to celebrate the holiday. After a couple of weeks of exhaustion I was happy to get back to feeling like my old self. 

Sadly, my beloved 97 year old Aunt Theresa passed away this fall. We felt blessed that our sister Janet, from Connecticut, was able to represent our family at the funeral. I miss our weekly phone calls, and especially Aunt Theresa’s laugh. 

Christmas Eve found our immediate family celebrating with my brother and sisters. It was so much fun having Brittany, Will and the boys there. It had been several years since we had all gotten together for Christmas Eve. John and Sally, Will’s parents, joined us on Christmas Day at our house. We dined on filets which I can honestly say we’re some of the best steaks I’ve ever eaten. A great time was had by all. 

To end the year we said goodbye to my almost ten year old Rav 4 with close to 200,000 miles on it. We replaced it with a beautiful Toyota Highlander which drives like a dream, and has enough room to seat seven. 

As I’m writing this post Chuck is outside finishing up a new chicken coop he is building for our chickens. This thing rivals the Taj Mahal in the chicken coop world. Chuck has done a real professional job in its construction and it looks amazing. Luckily after a pretty frigid cold snap we have back our beautiful Texas weather, which makes it more enjoyable for Chuck to finish up the job. 

As we move into 2023 it will be interesting to see what this new year brings. 

The Last Book of the Year

 

I just finished reading The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck. It was a small book in size, and seemed fitting for the season. In total I read a total of twenty books this year. Thirteen were fiction and seven were non-fiction. 

Most of the fiction books took place during WWII, and involved women acting as spies. My favorite books were written by Kristen Hannah, and I already have another of her books in mind for next year. 

One of the most intriguing books I read, Leaving Time, is a book that about half way through I thought I might abandon it. As it turned out I flipped to the end to see how it turned out. When I learned the ending I was motivated to continue reading. I actually enjoyed knowing the twist as I read, because initially I think I would have totally overlooked it. Add also all the information about elephants, and I was in book heaven by the end. 

What I did learn, though, was that a book a week is unrealistic for me. As much as I enjoy reading, I really don’t want to devote the time necessary to finishing a book a week. One thing I did do this year, though, is start reading fiction again, and I was introduced to several new authors. 

This upcoming year I’ve not set a number goal as to the amount of books I want to read. That being said I have asked for books as my Christmas present this year. Whether it is twenty or fifty-two the important thing to me is to keep on reading. 

Country Dogs

 

 Life in the country is different in many ways. I must admit I’m really enjoying this season of my life living in a rural community.

I can’t say that I felt the same way thirty-seven years ago when as a newlywed I moved to the country. I’m afraid my city-girl roots were still too deep to appreciate what a rural community had to offer. That, and I liked to shop too much. 

As you may remember from a previous posting Chuck and I acquired two Black-mouth Curs a few months back. They had been dropped off in a very remote location, and were posted on a community page on Facebook.

Chuck had just started working from home, and apparently this was the breed that he was hoping for someday. He thought two larger dogs would be a perfect addition to our country home. 

Now it’s taken some time for these two sisters to settle in. Sadly, we had some pretty serious fights between the two, and were at our wit’s end trying to figure out what to do. After a consultation with our vet we made the decision to put one of the girls on medication for anxiety. It seems to have made all the difference, and the two are getting along much better. 

That being said, one of their favorite things to do in the morning is to run out into the woods, and drag back anything they can find. You know, things like deer legs, skulls, and hide. Chuck made the comment that our backyard looked like a bone field. 

The other day I looked out the window and one of them was chewing on a huge turtle shell. There appeared to be no turtle visible, thank goodness. However, I wasn’t sure a turtle shell was the best thing for her to be chewing on so I took it away. 

Moving right along, the other night one of the dogs followed Chuck down the driveway to the gate, and had an encounter with a skunk. Luckily, she somehow managed to escape a direct hit and came away only with a slight odor. Nothing a little baby powder couldn’t help. However, the next time I was in town I stopped by the pet store for skunk spray. 

Next time, and somehow I’m pretty sure there will be a next time, we’ll be prepared. 

We’ve enjoyed having these two as part of the family, and are hoping that as one in particular gets a little older her rambunctious nature will settle down. 

The McDonald’s Playground

Growing up my daughter spent a lot of time at Mc Donald’s, both eating their fine cuisine and       playing on their playground.

Back in those days the playground was outside, and even though the infamous ball pit was probably a cesspool of germs, I never really gave it that much thought. I guess I figured that sunlight was a great disinfectant.

My grandsons, on the other hand, have only been to McDonald's a handful of times in their young lives. It’s always an exciting occasion when they do go, and just like my daughter, they look forward to the Happy Meal toy. 

One thing they haven’t been able to do, though, is play in the inside playground. My daughter, and rightfully so, has been a little concerned about the wisdom of rolling around in a germ factory. So each time they ask we end up mentioning something about the sick kids playing there. 

What we didn’t realize, though, was that my four year old grandson had taken that to mean that the playground was only for kids who happened to be sick. 

The other day my daughter was running to town to pick up groceries. She told the two younger ones that they could stop by McDonald’s for lunch. The four year old it turned out was thrilled because since he’d been sick all week with a cough he figured he’d get a chance to finally play in the playground-you know the one for sick kids!😂

The Library is Always Greener

Every time I move to a new community one of the first things I do is check out the library. My love affair with libraries has been life-long, and I anxiously look forward to getting my new library card. 

When I moved to De Leon I checked out our local library. Predictably it was more on the smaller side, but it appeared

to have a really good collection of fiction. Our local librarian was quite helpful in suggesting a few authors I had never read before. 

My only real complaint was that the non-fiction section of the library was underwhelming. Over the last ten years or so I have been drawn more to non-fiction and generally depend on the library for current best sellers, rather than spend my own money on these titles. 

About a month or so ago I met the head librarian of the Comanche Public Library at a community event. I shared with her my disappointment about the nonfiction at my local library, and she encouraged me to visit the Comanche Library. Apparently since I live in the county I’m eligible to use their library as well. 

I was happy to find that their nonfiction section was indeed larger. However, compared to the city libraries I was used to it still wasn’t quite up to par. 

So somehow in my mind I decided that the Dublin Library that I passed each week on the way to church each Sunday must be the best library around. This was based mostly on the fact that the building itself looked relatively new, so obviously it must be better. 

Well I had the opportunity to visit the library, and found it pretty much on par with my town’s library. As I walked away I reflected on how easy it is to just assume something that may have no basis at all. Because I wanted the Dublin Library to be better I held onto that belief with no real evidence of it being true. 

So right now I’m reading a really good fiction book from my local library. This new to me author has written many books, and my library seems to have them all. If I’m interested in non-fiction I can always drop by the Comanche Library or invest in the book of interest. 

I probably could put in a request for a book or even take advantage of an on-line service provided by my library. What I want to come away with here is that wishing something is so doesn’t actually make it so. 

Appreciating what you have, and looking for real solutions is probably the better way. 

Habits- Day 31

                              

                          So what have I learned after thirty-one days of writing about habits? 

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits:

Start with small, atomic size changes.

Even a 1% change over time can make a difference.

Think systems, instead of goals.

Base your habits, not on what you want to do, but rather who you want to be. 

Habit formation revolves around cues, cravings, response, and rewards.

When developing a new habit make it obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying.

Set a plan for time and place. 

Use habit stacking to your advantage. 

Your environment is critical when forming new habits. 

Self-control won’t last in the long run.

Dopamine is biologically built into the habits you maintain. 

So now I’m going to really reflect on each strategy, and see what I can incorporate into my day to day habits. 

Clear has many other tips to share, and I highly recommend reading Atomic Habits if you are serious about wanting to make a change. 

Habits- Day 30

 

                According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits,

“We need to make our habits attractive because it is the expectation of a rewarding experience that motivates us to act in the first place.”

The Second Law of behavior change, Make it Attractive, comes into play here because the more attractive something is to us the greater chance that we will want to repeat it. 

The biological similarity that all habits have in common is they all produce a dopamine spike. This is the neurological process that drives craving and desire. 

Clear states that, “Habits are a dopamine-driven feedback loop.”

The habits that seem to take hold are the ones, “associated with a higher level of dopamine.”

Interestingly in studies with mice they actually become more addicted to sugar than to cocaine. That’s the power of the dopamine rush produced by a piece of chocolate. 

Remarkably, this dopamine release not only happens by the action itself, but also simply through the anticipation of the action. 

When your brain realizes that the reward is in sight it actually motivates you to act. 

“It is the anticipation of a reward-not the fulfillment of it-that gets us to take action.”

Desire drives behavior, which is preceded by anticipation.

In other words, “the craving leads to the response.”

Now in knowing this what rewards can I tie to behaviors to motivate me to establish better habits?

What I have learned about myself is that I don’t necessarily respond to outward rewards. I think I am more intrinsically motivated. I find a reward in completely a task that I have pushed myself to accomplish. Actually writing for thirty-one days, which will be finished tomorrow, is a reward itself. 

That being said, I want to take time to reflect more on the biological reason for some of my choices that I do not seem to understand. Clear reminds us that we still have the brains of our ancestors, but we have many more temptations put before us in our daily lives. 

Habits- Day 29

 Have you ever wondered what self-control has to do with habit formation? Technically, self-control is only a short-term solution, not one that is maintained long term. 

I’ve actually got pretty good self-control. I would have been that little kid that held out and didn’t eat the marshmallow in the now infamous marshmallow test. Whenever, I would rejoin Weight Watchers (one known as WW) I would faithfully work the program easily for around three to five months. I would NEVER cheat, and would consistently lose weight each week, albeit it came off slower as I aged. 

However, after maintaining that lose as time wire on as much as I wished to keep the weight off I would slowly return to my old habits. That’s where I am know in my life. 

Clear states that, “The way to improve discipline is to create a more disciplined environment.” Basically, an “out of sight, out of mind mentality.”

He reminds us that it’s much easier to “practice self-restraint” if you don’t have to rely on it constantly. 

If I didn’t have the candy bowl sitting in my counter I wouldn’t need to muster up the self-control to not take a piece each time I passed by. 

“Once a habit has been encoded (in the mind) the urge to act follows whenever the environmental cues reappear.”

Trying to resist a craving doesn’t always work because your brain literally has a “mental groove” that has been created from the habit. It’s literally calling your name waiting for the reward. This is where reducing exposure to the cue comes in handy.

Yesterday I wrote about how the environment can help or harm your efforts to develop good habits. Snack Central in my house is an example of the battle between self-discipline and cue exposure raging within me, and me coming out at the losing end. 

If there is any first step here I think I must address what sounded like a good idea at first, but what is actually contributing to my inability to control my eating habits. 

Habits-Day 28

As much as you might think motivation is key to establishing a habit, environment is actually more important. 

According to Clear, “Every habit is context dependent.”

Clear continues, “People often choose products not because of what they are, but because of where they are.”

That’s probably why I eat completely differently when I’m at my daughter’s babysitting the boys. Different environment equals different food choices. 

Even the room you are in can help shape a habit. Of all cues, visual cues have the most control over our behavior. “A small change in what you see can lead to a big shift in what you do.”

In my kitchen/living area I have a set of cabinets I call Snack Central. It is separate from my pantry where all my other food is stored. Originally I thought this was a great idea, because it was so convenient. Every time I pass by snack central I’m reminded of the plethora of goodies hiding just behind its doors. 

In hindsight I don’t think this was such a great idea. 

Rather than being a victim to your environment Clear recommends being the architect of your environment. I think it’s time to rethink Snack Central if I want to develop better habits when it comes to snacking. 

Habits- Day 27

 

Yesterday we discussed one strategy for habit building. Another strategy is Habit stacking. 

Basically what this entails is pairing an already established habit with a new one you are trying it to develop. 

Author James Clear states, “When it comes to building new habits, you can use connectedness of behavior to your advantage.”

In order to assure habit stacking is successful you need to choose the right cue. This is where that time and place comes into being. 

Let’s say I want to start the habit of drinking more water. I could stack this habit with watching the nightly news. I’ve already established one habit so as soon as the show begins I could grab a glass of water. That would not be too difficult to implement, and the reward would be catching up on what’s happening in the world. (Except to be honest the nightly news isn’t usually all that great, but old habits die hard.)

Clear reminds us that, “Habit stacking works best when the cue is highly specific and immediately actionable.”

What new habit could you stack with an old one?

Habits- Day 26

                                         

                                         So what is the best way to start a new habit?

James Clear in his book Atomic Habits has a pretty clear cut plan. Remember how a habit starts with a cue. Well according to Clear the two most common of these are time and location. 

Clear suggests using an Implementation Intention which is simply a plan you make ahead of time determining where and when you plan on acting. 

This is a much more effective way of accomplishing your goals. 

Clear states, “People who make a specific plan for where and when will perform a new habit, and are more likely to follow through.”

It’s not the motivation you are lacking rather it’s the clarity of what you are trying to do. 

Consider using this phrase as your guide:

I will (behavior) at (time) in (location)

At the beginning of the pandemic I walked faithfully up and down my long foyer each day for thirty minutes. I did this at 11:00 while watching a favorite show. I actually looked forward to that time because the reward of listening/watching the show made it easy and enjoyable. 

Sadly, since I’ve moved I’ve never reestablished that habit. 

Being specific about time and place helps you not to be derailed from your goals, and helps you to say No to something wanting to pull you off track. 

I want to set up an Implementation Intention again for walking. 

Habits- Day 25

 

Interestingly our habits go beyond just our conscience self. Our appetite and hunger are regulated non consciously.

The cravings we experience can be from hormones and chemicals within our bodies. 

Clear states, “As habits form, your actions come under the direction of your automatic and non conscious mind. You fall into old patterns before you realize what’s happening. 

This actually makes me feel better about not having perfect discipline when it comes to my eating habits. 

These habit-sparking cues become pretty invisible. That’s why the first step in changing or forming habits is being aware of your existing habits. 

To become aware of this begin by making a list of all your habits throughout the day. It’s easy to want to automatically judge each one as good or bad. Resist this at first because all habits serve us in some way. That’s why you keep repeating them. 

Start categorizing each one as to how it helps you to become the person you desire to be. Try not to be too judgmental at this point about whether they are good or bad. 

Begin by being on the lookout for those habits that don’t align with your identity. One way to do this is to use the “Point and Call” technique. In other words when you are about to do something say it out loud and continue saying out loud what the outcome will be. 

“I’m about to eat a cookie which will make me go over my WW points today. I know if I do that I’ll be disappointed in myself.”

When you actually hear out loud what you are about to do it makes the “consequences seem more real.”

It helps you not to mindlessly slip into an old routine that you are attempting to change. 

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Carl Jung

Habits- Day 24

 

Interestingly we can invert these four laws of behavior change to aid in breaking a bad habit. 

This would include instead of making the cue obvious make it invisible. This is an easy fix when it comes to snacking. Just don’t have the bag of chips sitting in the pantry. 

When it comes to the craving make it unattractive. 

When the response is difficult then it won’t be so easy to do the bad behavior. 

And finally make the reward unsatisfying. 

So technically you can approach habit building from both angles, however working from the positive vs the negative side in the long run will probably have better results.

Clear points out, “Every goal is doomed to fail if it goes against the grain of human nature.”

As you consider a new habit you want to form how can you make it obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying. That actually sounds like something I would like to do. However, you can still use the inverse actions in any way that helps you meet your desired results. 

Habits- Day 23

The Four Laws of Behavior Change

According to James Clear in his book, Atomic Habits, the following laws will help you to form a good habit:

1st Law- (cue) Make it obvious

2nd Law- (craving) Make it attractive

3rd Law- (response) Make it easy

4th Law- (reward) Make it satisfying

Habits- Day 22

 All four components, cue, craving response and reward form what is known as a “neurological feedback loop.”

James Clear states, “If a behavior is insufficient in any of the four stages it will not become a habit.”

If you do away with the cue your habit won’t be able to start. If you reduce the level of craving you won’t be able to stay motivated. 

If the behavior is too difficult you won’t be able to do it. Finally if the reward is not great enough you will have no reason to continue. Sadly, without all four the behavior you are wanting so badly to implement won’t be repeated. 

This feedback loop works like this:

“…the cue triggers a craving which motivates a response, which provides a reward, which satisfies the craving, and ultimately becomes associated with the cue.”

Voila, the birth of a habit!

Habits- Day 21

 

                               A response is the “actual habit you perform.”

This can be either a thought or action. This will occur depending on your motivation level. It also can depend on the level of friction you are feeling as to whether you follow through or not. 

According to James Clear, “If a particular action requires more physical or mental effort than you are willing to expend, then you won’t do it.”

I think this is why we are quick to not establish habits even when we want to. Think how many New Year’s resolutions are abandoned come February. 

Rewards, on the other hand, are the “end goal of every habit.” The response delivers a reward. 

“The cue is about noticing the reward. The craving is about wanting the reward. The response is about obtaining the reward.”

The reason we pursue rewards is two fold. Rewards satisfy us and teach us. 

They help for a moment to deliver contentment. Each time we are rewarded our brain remembers which action brought forth the reward.

“The first purpose of rewards is to satisfy our cravings.”

Habits- Day 20

How do we build habits?

Habit building revolves around a four part process.

Cue/Craving/Response/Reward

Today let’s explore what the cues and cravings.

According to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, “The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior. It is a bit of information that predicts a reward.”

This cue leads to a craving which is what motivates us toward a habit. 

Honestly, without this craving we have little reason to act. We can muster up all the willpower in the world, but eventually we can’t rely on willpower alone. 

Clear reminds us that, “What you crave is not the habit itself, but the change in state it delivers.”

Pretty much every craving you have is linked to a desire to change how you are feeling at that moment. 

Think about how easy it is to crave chocolate when you are feeling down. Technically, chocolate has actually been shown to improve depression and anxiety. So in this case, your cue is feeling blue, and the craving is for chocolate. 

Tomorrow we will see how response and reward play into habit formation.