The Donut Calling My Name

The donut calling my name. 

I was sitting at the Toyota dealership waiting on an oil change minding my own business when I turned to the right and was accosted by a tower of sprinkle donuts. Now on the one hand I knew that donuts were not the healthiest snacking choice, but on the other hand they did have sprinkles. 

I told myself no several times, but unfortunately that little donut lover on my shoulder kept insisting what would it hurt to have just one? After all, several people had already stopped by to indulge in their early morning sugar rush, so why shouldn't I? 

In my attempt to remain strong I looked up the points value of a sprinkle donut, and found it to be a whopping eleven points. So rather than indulge I started writing about my dilemma. I wish I could take full credit for resisting, but to be truthful before I could give in my car was ready. As I look back on my supposed act of heroism, I'm beginning to think that sometimes you just have to answer the siren call of the sprinkles. 

Options

Options.

I came across an interesting quote the other day while reading a blog post written by Millennial Money Man. "Every time you make a purchase that you can't pay cash for, you are giving away a small part of your ability to experience change in your life." 

There is much truth in theses words. Once you have locked yourself into debt payments your life really isn't your own anymore. I found there to be a lot of relevancy for not only Millennials, but for Baby Boomers as well. As we near retirement having options can be very freeing. Not having our choices limited by the debt we have entailed might allow us to leave behind the golden handcuffs of an unfulfilling job. 

Many of the things we aspired to in our younger days no longer hold the appeal they once did. We may find ourselves paring down, simplifying and making opportunities to do the things we only once dreamed about. Having freed ourselves from debt can make these things possible while we still are young enough to enjoy them. 

If you are ready to "experience change" in your life you might want to reconsider how you spend your money, and get away from debt. 

Perseverance

Perseverance. 

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." 

In looking for some words of wisdom about perseverance I couldn't help but smile when I came across this quote. It seemed to describe exactly how I was feeling at the moment. I got an even bigger kick out of the fact that Newt Gingrich was its author. My politics are showing now, but I always enjoy hearing his take on the state of the country. 

By the end of the day I was both physically and mentally tired. It had seemed in decluttering my home that I'd taken one step forward and two steps back as I tackled each new area. Quitting was really looking appealing at the moment as I found myself running out of steam and momentum. 

However, I knew  that I would not be happy with myself if I gave up half-way through the job. So tomorrow I'll just continue on with the "hard work after the hard work" until I reach my goal. To be honest, perseverance is easier said than done. 

First Things

First things. 

Olympic skater Scott Hamilton, who is facing cancer for the third time teaches his students the following: "The first thing I teach my skaters at my skating academy is how to get up because we're going to fall ."

Wow! How hard have I tried not to fall in my life? How many times have I made not falling the main objective? It seems I have put my emphasis on the wrong thing. Instead of spending my time trying not to fall, I should have been practicing how to get up. As my grandson is starting to take his first steps, I'm noticing that part of the process is falling down. Now luckily he is close to the ground, and when it happens he just picks himself up and tries again. 

It seems that falling down is inevitable, it's just built in, a DNA of sorts. But for some reason we have convinced ourselves that it should be avoided at all costs. Scott Hamilton has fallen again, and is facing another fight. However, he knows how to pick himself up and does so with joy. Rather than avoiding the fall, I'm going to practice getting up. 

Less

Less.

I'm not sure where I got the idea that if I had one of something, then two should be better? 

I've spent the last week purging through more things in our home, and have come away with the realization that too much stuff gets in the way of any real action. When my desk was crowded with who knows what, I rarely found myself there. When my bookshelves were overflowing I found myself beginning several books, but never finishing any. When you own as many CD's as I do you literally would have to do nothing else, but listen to music twenty-four seven to hear them all. 

It wasn't until I started editing my possessions that I realized that my reluctance to take action had something to do with feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that I owned. More over, when I removed a few pieces of furniture from my bedroom, the room took on a whole new feel. It somehow seemed lighter and more inviting. 

Limiting what I choose to keep has allowed me to know what I really have, and to only own the things I really want. This whole experience has opened my eyes to how I want to view possessions in the future. 

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."  William Morris

Opportunity Cost

Opportunity cost. 

Opportunity cost is an economics term that has to do with the loss of potential gain based on choices made. Basically, it refers to the cost of a missed opportunity. As I thought about the term, I considered it more in relation to time than money; especially when it came to squandered time. You see, I'm bad about this. I have missed many opportunities that would have benefited me because of my use of time. 

Unfortunately, this resource can never be refunded. Sometimes we willingly trade our time for things of relatively little importance. How many hours of my life have been spent watching television? Has my life really been improved watching the train wreck lives of the"housewives?" Often times our work has taken control over our time. We have allowed ourselves to be overly stressed, overly worked, and overly fatigued thinking somehow the trade off would be worth it in the future. Unfortunately, we fail to realize how easily we can be replaced when we leave our places of employment.

We convince ourselves that the greater our financial gain the better our lives will be. We willingly trade our time for this monetary gain. However, people who make more are not necessarily happier than their counterparts. There comes a tipping point where financial gain does not contribute any more significantly to happiness. More is not necessarily better. In choosing your opportunities be aware of your potential losses based on your missed opportunities of nonrenewable time.

Letting Go

Letting go. 

Psychologist Havelock Ellis is credited with saying, "All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." 

This has been my life for the last few weeks. Attempting to decide what to keep and what to discard. However, in the scheme of life there really are bigger fish to fry. Ellis is correct that in life we have to let go even though we would love nothing more than to hold on. 

What makes our possessions hard to let go of are the memories they hold. As much as I want to hold onto my daughter's childhood I have to let go. As much as I want to hold onto my time as a teacher I need to let go of my old teaching tools. However, what I don't have to discard are the many fond memories. I've kept a record of my daughter's accomplishments throughout the years, and I've made a scrapbook dedicated to all the wonderful students I have taught. I take pleasure in pursuing them both. 

I remember once hearing that you could not receive with a clenched hand. I think I'd rather approach life with an empty hand ready to be filled with future memories. Letting go has become easier already. 

Before You Thought You Weren't

Before you thought you weren't. 

I was at McAllister's the other day to get some of their amazing tea when I noticed a little girl no older than four in front of me. She was jumping up and down thrilled that her meal would include a cookie. I remember when I used to jump up and down about cookies, before I learned about their evil calorie count. 

She was dressed in a black leotard with a black tulle tutu. Her hair was braided around her head and she sported pink glasses and Crocs. She was adorable.  Her demeanor was of assured confidence and you could tell she was loving life. She had not a care in the world and the opinion of others was nowhere on her radar. 

You could tell she was quite proud of her tutu as she spun around in line. It gave me pause, though, when I realized that someday she would not feel so free to be herself. Would she one day question her beauty, and I couldn't help but wonder if that spark would be diminished as she compared herself to girls she deemed more attractive? 

I couldn't help but hope that she would keep that confidence and wouldn't follow in the footsteps of many young girls who simply fade away and let the more beautiful take center stage. 

True Riches

True riches. 

"There are two ways to be rich-one in the abundance of your possessions and the other in the fewness of your wants." E. Stanley Jones seems to have his priorities straight. 

During the course of our lives we place a great emphasis on gathering possessions. We strive for larger homes, add to our collections, and eventually begin to pay a monthly storage bill.  However, eventually, if we live long enough, our possessions will get whittled down to just a few. What once took such a high priority, will no longer matter.

As I have been contemplating what to keep and what to give away I found Jones' quote to be helpful. I like the idea of my life being based more on what I don't want vs always revolving around the next purchase. Perhaps the rule of thumb regarding only bringing something new in by getting rid of something old might result in a less crowded home. I can't help but compare my capacity for ownership to the creature who grows to the size of its container. Choosing to live less large might actually result in choosing the better life. 

Peaceful

Peaceful. 

I used to think that the country was a quiet place. I was mistaken. If you spend any time there you will quickly realize that it is actually quite noisy. Except it's a different kind of noise. 

The buzz of a bee, the call of a mockingbird, the bray of a donkey, the drone of a lone tractor in the distance, and the moo of a momma cow calling her calf all fill the air. But inspite of the noise, it is the peacefulness that most surprises you. Especially if you spend most of your time in the city bombarded by the sounds of urban life. 

The country is the only place where I can sit absolutely still, doing nothing at all and find myself feeling completely peaceful. I don't feel the need to be doing something to keep myself entertained. Just being present in the beauty around me is the best feeling of all. 

"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous." Aristotle

Photos

Photos. 

It seems that we are a culture of photographers. Now with high quality cameras built into our phones we snap away freely. Hundreds, no more like thousands of photos amass.

Those of us who are highly motivated archive these photos safely away for future reference. Some take great pleasure in creating scrapbooks using photo albums or digital to record precious memories. 

However, back in the day the number of photos taken were limited to the size of the roll of film. Only professional photographers had the luxury of shooting rolls and rolls of film. 

What has happened today is we have become photo hoarders. The quality of photography has so vastly improved that it is actually difficult to take a bad photo. The end result is thousand of photos too good to delete. Just like too much stuff, you end up with too many photos. 

I'm beginning to think that a much edited amount of photographs might actually end up being more meaningful. I think it might be time to do a photo purge. 

"Life is what happens while you're busy taking pictures." 

Jocelyn de Kwant

Taking the Next Step

Taking the next step. 

I'm really good about thinking of ideas, but not so good about actually acting upon them. Author of Embrace the Chaos, Bob Miglani, teaches, "Sometimes that initial step is all that is required to set in motion a whole new timeline of events..." 

I am finding this to be true. In a recent post I wrote about focusing on solutions instead of problems. Solutions require action, and this often results in a domino effect. You do one thing, and that leads to another and another. 

Before you know it you may have solved your problem. The initial action doesn't even need to be that earth shattering;  it just needs to happen. However, the actions required might result in some hard work on your part. 

Decisions, emotions and physical labor can leave you worn out. But, the satisfaction of the results can make it all worth it in the long run. Don't allow what has been holding you back to get in the way of that initial step. Set in motion the life you really want to live. 

Second Chances

Second chances.

It is not often in life that we get a true second chance. Most of the time we have to settle for the first time around. 

However, what I am discovering is that being a grandparent is like having a second chance. It is the opportunity to experience the most miraculous thing of all, except this time you really get it. 

You are no longer sleep deprived or overwhelmed like you were the first time through.  The full responsibility of child rearing no longer falls on your shoulders. You can drink in the brilliance of your grandchild's smile, brag about their talents, and savor the sweetness of their tiny arms reaching for you. 

While it was no less special the first time around you really didn't grasp the full understanding of how quickly it would all pass by, and how much you would miss it. I once read a book that stated, "Girlhood is short as summer." Those words really stuck with me as I watched my daughter's childhood slip through my fingers. 

Little did I realize that there would be something called grandparenthood that would allow me the blessing of a second chance. 

Guilty

Guilty.

Well apparently the Japanese have a word for it. Tsundoku-is the condition of acquiring reading material but letting them pile up in one's home without reading them.

This describes me perfectly. It has become especially true over the last few years. Now you would think with all the extra time I have on my hands I'd be doing nothing but reading. However, to be truthful I've basically just been collecting them. 

Not only do I purchase books, but I also make weekly trips to the library. Either way there is no way reading all of them is possible. As time goes by the stack on my nightstand teeters precariously, the books in the living room begin to look like clutter, and I struggle to find more room in the bookcase.  

Therefore, because so few books actually get a second glance, let alone read it really makes no sense to own so many. My solution now is to gather them up and donate them back to the library knowing full well that some other unsuspecting soul will fall prey to tsundoku. 

The Dash

The dash. 

Linda Ellis' poem The Dash is the kind of thing often read at the end of someone's life. It is an opportunity to remember the time between the birth and death of an individual. Those two dates are usually what is carved into the granite of a headstone, but it really is the dash that is most telling.

 As you go through your life give some thought to the story that your dash will tell. Take the time to reflect on how you spend your days. Writer Annie Dillard points out quite obviously that, "How we spend our days, of course is how we spend our lives." 

For me I'm beginning to question why I have held onto the possessions I have  for so long? Why did I feel such a desire toward consumption and ownership? As I look toward the days ahead I hope to travel more lightly. I hope that the dash of my life is worth telling. 

Hoard

Hoard. 

To hoard means to, "amass and hide or store away."  Apparently I have been amassing and storing away way too many things. 

My husband and I decided there was no time like the present to start tackling some of our many closets in an attempt to declutter the house a bit. It didn't take us long, technically a closet or two, until we realized that we had a little problem on our hands. 

You combine eighteen years and a plethora of closets, and you might begin to consider yourself a hoarder. What caught me completely off guard, though, was how neatly and well organized our possessions were, thus giving the illusion of not really having all that much stuff. Boy was I wrong! 

What I'm realizing now is how easily we justify our purchases. When confronted with something new we convince ourselves that our life will never be the same without it.  Compounded with the idea that we might need to use it again will keep something hanging around possibly for years. Even worse is the the beloved collection. What starts out as a fun way to pass a Sunday afternoon becomes hundreds of Pez dispensers, all tucked away in a Rubbermaid tub hidden from view. 

Now they say hindsight is twenty-twenty, and it is apparent that I was completely blinded to the consequences of owning too much stuff. Eventually there will be a day of reckoning. 

True Abundance

True abundance. 

"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly," are the words of Jesus found in the book of John. 

As is my practice I often look up the definitions of words in order to fully understand their meaning. The word abundant is defined as, "an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply." 

As I thought about how this relates to me, I realized that I have an abundance of material possessions. I have accumulated them over the years, and have stored them away for safe keeping. 

I decided to think more broadly in terms of abundance, including things like abundant joy, abundant love, and abundant grace; all intangible, and not easily stored in a closet seemed more important. Perhaps by focusing on this type of abundance, rather than what the world sets before us will result in a more contented life. 

The State of the Pantry

The state of the pantry. 

You've heard of the State of the Union address, well today I'm addressing the state of my crisper drawer and pantry. What I've discovered is that there is some sort of ratio between my eating habits and the state of these two areas.  When my crisper drawer begins looking more like a science fair project I can pretty much guarantee that my pants are going to be fitting a little more tightly. 

Just like Alexander Pope, I too believe that, "Order is heaven's first law." The orderly state of my crisper drawer and pantry has more to do with the state of my life in general. The good thing, though, is that the crisper drawer can be cleaned out and filled with fresh, healthy choices. So if you are like me, and finding yourself returning to some not so wanted eating patterns, you might want to check the state of your pantry. 

Less is More

Less is more. 

I was going through some of the mementoes of my daughter's childhood the other day, and it became apparent that I must have kept every scrap of paper that she had ever doodled upon. However, I soon realized that I had so much stuff I really had no idea of what I had. Somehow I had treasured everything equally thinking that was a good thing. 

Unfortunately, the sheer volume of it all made it prohibitive to enjoy. One of my most prized possessions from my own mother is a card she sent me while I was away at college; one card, not twenty. 

So as I pare down, I'm hoping to keep a lesser amount of those things that bring back such fond memories. Trying to hold onto every piece of my daughter's childhood is just not realistic. While going through it all, though, my daughter and I had a good laugh over some of her childhood notes. And to be honest, that made it all worth it.  

Ordinary

Ordinary. 

Flemish psychiatrist Dirk De Wachter is a proponent for the ordinary. According to Flow magazine he believes, "...we should notice the beauty in everything, ordinary things and be content with things as they are." 

A few weeks ago I traveled to the unbelievably beautiful Lake Tahoe. I had the opportunity to enjoy a spectacular view from the balcony of a magnificent home. The tall pines, deep blue water, crisp air, and the call of the mountain jay made for a memorable experience. 

However, I kept finding myself missing the clear blue skies of home. As remarkable as the view was, I thought about the green pastures and wild flowers that dotted the landscape on the drive up to our farm. The puffy white clouds, and the smart little bluejay I saw on my morning walk had a unique beauty of its own. 

A few days before they had all seemed quite ordinary. At first glance, how could they compare to the beauty of the mountains, and yet to me they were quite special. Perhaps ordinary is really a misnomer, and there really isn't such a thing. Today as I feel the cool breezes of long awaited autumn air, I find my self contented with the ordinary. 

Focusing on Solutions

Focusing on solutions. 

In the most recent edition of Flow magazine there is an article written by Otje Van Der Lelij focusing on solutions rather than problems. 

When we spend our energies focusing on what is wrong we can easily find ourselves overwhelmed. However, when we set our sights on solutions we may find a new direction. While problems appear negative, solutions seem to radiate hope.

I found myself recently ruminating about a problem of sorts. I had never taken any real action on it other than thinking about it, and always found myself right back at the same spot. However, once I actually began to take some action, and focus on a solution, I found myself more highly motivated to resolve my dilemma. I also realized that if I allowed myself more than one solution it seemed to free me up from my paralysis. More times than not there is usually not just one solution that is feasible.

In the article Van Der Lelij quotes Albert Einstein, "The class of problems is a different class than the class of solutions." So rather than wasting all your energy on a problem, start looking for solutions.