Grief

Grief. 

"Grief is a process, not a state," are the words of poet Anne Grant.

As I contemplate the death of my father I realize that I have been grieving for the last two 
years. As I battled the stages of grief, first denying anything was wrong, then finding myself angry at my Dad's reluctance to allow for help, my depression as I made my way through the many decisions that needed to be made, and now the acceptance of his passing, I am finding myself feeling a sense of relief. 

Does this mean that I am not sad, no because I am.  Does it mean that I won't miss him, no because I do.  Does it mean that I won't shed any more tears, no because I am certain I will. 

What I didn't realize during the last two years as I watched my father decline, was that he actually was giving me a gift. He gave me time to mourn the father I had always known, and time to care and love for him in his greatest hour of need. As I've worried, and cried and prayed during the last couple of years, I have also been the recipient of such kindness and love found at every turn. My father touched so many lives in his last two years, that it made me realize that even in our diminished state we still bring purpose and value to this life. 

So as we say our final goodbyes today, I'm blessed I was able to see him through to the end of his life, and be there for him just like he always was for me.