Response

Response. 

"Not everything requires a response." 

This is a hard one for me. I seem to have an opinion on just about everything, and even more so seem to think it needs to be said. However, sometimes under-reacting is the better way to go. 

Sometimes we respond too quickly without really giving any thought to what we are saying. Sometimes our response is hurtful or mean spirited, and can result in a rift that was not there before. Sometimes our response is out of defensiveness for our actions. 

I can't help but be reminded of a lyric from The Prayer of St. Francis, "...to be understood as to understand." Sometimes we spend so much time trying to get others to agree to our way of thinking that we completely lose sight of where the other person might be coming from. 

Although, we may not always agree I think it is important to take the time not to respond too hastily, but rather to put our initial energies into understanding. That way in crafting your response you might make a greater impact. 

Peppermint Mocha

Peppermint mocha.

It's Peppermint Mocha season. I wanted to remind myself of that so I don't let the season get by me without indulging in a steaming cup. I also don't want to forget to swing by Dairy Queen to get my favorite Candy Cane Blizzard. Both of these are only served seasonally so I don't want to miss out. 

As we approach Christmas this year make sure to sing along with all those favorite Christmas carols you've sung since childhood.  Pull out those favorite DVDs like Christmas Vacation and Elf, bake your favorite holiday goodies, and check out those Christmas lights. 

Along with tried and true traditions try something new. This year since we got a real tree we decided to decorate our tree in a different way. So far we've strung the cranberries and popcorn, made clove oranges using little Cuties, hung candy canes, and have plans to make cinnamon applesauce ornaments today. 

Our tree looks completely different than the ones from Christmas past, but we are really having a fun time decorating it. Like the song says, "It's the most wonderful time of the year."

A Real Tree

A real tree. 

It's been over twenty years since we've had a real Christmas tree. Once we switched over to an artificial one it became much easier to just drag it out of the closet each year. However, this year after spending a month purging our home, the thought of storing another tree didn't sit well with us. 

One of the drawbacks of a real tree is the fact that it can dry out easily, and end up being a pine needle mess as well as a fire hazard. So when the decision was made to get a real tree this year we knew we wanted to get the freshest one possible. 

With a little research we located a local Christmas tree farm, and took off on our adventure. After we arrived we picked out the perfect tree, and my husband cut it down. As we waited for our tree to be bagged we sipped on some complimentary hot chocolate, and watched the children visit with Santa. It was a fun afternoon. 

When we returned home we were quite pleased at how pretty the tree looked. My husband assured me that the pine smell was quite pleasant as my olfactory senses are somewhat challenged. 

To keep with the naturalness of the tree we decided to decorate it with some homemade ornaments. We plan on stringing cranberry and popcorn garland, making cinnamon and applesauce ornaments, and hanging candy canes as well. 

The good thing about a real tree is that it can be mulched for future use so nothing goes to waste. I think we might have started a new Christmas tradition around here. 

Black Friday

Black Friday.

I used to really look forward to Black Friday. I couldn't wait to check out the sales flyers that would arrive in my Thanksgiving paper. I would quickly map out my plan of attack for the next day confident that I would be victorious in scoring all the best deals. More times than not I could finish the majority of my shopping in just a few hours, and always well under budget. 

But something changed this year, and I must admit that the sales flyers seemed a little lackluster yesterday. I think it had to do with my new outlook on "stuff." If you recall my husband and I spent several weeks going through our possessions and getting rid of quite a bit. So the thought of bringing more "stuff" back into the house is not very appealing. 

Pair that with the massive crowds, and I'm finding myself less and less enthusiastic about the thought of getting up at the crack of dawn just to get a deal. I'm hoping for a more relaxing day which might include a little Christmas music and some decorating. 

Now of course I still want to buy gifts for all my favorite people, but I'll probably do it a little differently this year. In fact, I think I see more online shopping in my future. 

So good luck to all my friends who brave the lines and the crowds today, and "may the odds forever be in your favor."

Pilgrim Biscuits

Pilgrim biscuits. 

Back when I was a second grade teacher one of my favorite things to do was to have the kids imagine what it was like to be a Pilgrim child crossing the Atlantic on the Mayflower. I would share m them the daily struggles of the Pilgrims and have them record their voyage in a journal. One of the interesting facts was that as the journey progressed food choices were limited and the Pilgrim children had to eat hard biscuits. 

Now as a teacher you wonder if your students are really paying attention or is your lesson going in one ear and out the other? As was the practice of my school district the cafeteria served a Thanksgiving feast each year. As luck would have it I was on cafeteria duty that day, and found myself approaching one of my students as she flagged me down with a waving arm. I was expecting a standard cafeteria request; something like a milk carton needing to be opened or permission to go to the restroom. I must say that what happened next caught me totally off guard. My student was quite ecstatic that the cafeteria had decided to serve Pilgrim biscuits that day. You know hard as a rock!

I think what I loved most about her observation was that she had been paying attention, and had made that coveted connection between the classroom and the real world. Happy Thanksgiving and may your biscuits be warm, soft and buttery!

Identity

Identity. 

When considering your identity, what comes to mind?

Has it changed over time? 

I identified as a teacher for the majority of my life. It was hard for me to let go of that role and move onto something else.  Moreover, although I will always be a mother, my role as a parent to an adult is quite different than before.  

In fact, becoming both a retiree and an empty nester pretty much at the same time required an adjustment period of several years.  For me beginning a new identity as a writer helped make the transition easier. Replacing one identity with another isn't always easy, but it does contribute greatly to your happiness and sense of purpose. 

What redifining entails, though, is change; some self-imposed and some beyond our control. In her book Super You, Emily V. Gordon discusses this idea.  She states, "...it's not that you need to change-it's that we're continually changing whether we like it or not." 

In accepting this inevitability we really do have a choice as to how we approach change in our lives. Although, I wax nostalgic at times for days gone by, l do make a point to approach the future with enthusiasm. As John C. Maxwell said, "Change is inevitable. Growth is optional." 

The Pup Under the Dresser

The pup under the dresser. 

It's been an interesting few days for my pup Cooper. Since my daughter and grandson are visiting we've had to make a few babyproofing tweaks. Our now crawling and walking pride and joy wasn't here thirty minutes before we found ourselves at Buy Buy Baby purchasing some baby fencing. These over fifty grandparents just didn't have it in them to be chasing him around non-stop for the length of his stay. 

After we returned home we were quite pleased at how well it all worked out. We blocked off  a large area in the den and utilized the sectional and ottoman to make the play area larger. My poor little Cooper was too small to jump the fence and was distraught that he couldn't be right next to his mother at all times. 

However, with a few minutes of training and a handful of treats we taught him to jump on the ottoman first before jumping onto the couch. Within a matter of minutes he had mastered both the entrance and the exit quite deftly. 

The next day he and my almost one year old grandson played a modified version of fetch all of their own accord. A plastic orange from my daughter's childhood picnic set became the perfect "ball" and Cooper took great pleasure in chasing after it when my grandson released it. I'm not sure it was an actual throw, but I don't think Cooper minded. 

To top it all off Cooper discovered that another curly haired poodle was living under the dresser in the guest room. Quite by accident he caught his own reflection in the mirror wedged behind the dresser. (A bathroom remodel leftover.) He was convinced that some strange dog had made its way into our house, and he wasn't too happy about it. 

Autopilot

Autopilot. 

Functioning on autopilot really makes everything much simpler. You don't have to work quite as hard, and it leaves room for more important things like television watching. I find myself living on autopilot quite frequently. 

I prepare the same kinds of food because it doesn't require too much effort. I find myself buying the same style of shirt in multiple colors year after year. I return to the same stores and restaurants time and again. Living an autopilot kind of life is easy and convenient. 

However, Emily V. Gordon, author of Super You warns, "...if I just float through my life, functioning on autopilot and accepting that the way I think and feel and act is just "how it is"...I'll never get anywhere more evolved, better or even just different..."

Airplanes were never intended to be flown purely automatically. The use of autopilot was a tool to be used at the discretion of the pilot. Although, brushing my teeth is perfectly fine in autopilot mode, I don't want to rely on it for the more meaningful things in life. 

Risking

Risking.

I received a text the other day of my almost one year old grandson balancing precariously on a coffee can while holding on to the kitchen chair. His grin said it all.  

Unfortunately after snapping the picture on her way to retrieve him from his circus act he fell back and pulled the chair over a bit with him. My daughter felt horrible that instead of preventing his fall she was capturing the moment on her phone. I completely understood. No one wants their child to get hurt, but I couldn't help but be reminded of how proud he looked in the picture. 

As much as it is our instinct to protect our children from every scrape, fall and disappointment we really do them a disservice if we don't allow them to experience some risk. I assured my daughter that her mothering abilities were stellar, and because of his innate curiosity and sense of adventure this would probably not be his last fall. 

While my generation was busy firing up the helicopter I hope today's parents learn from our mistakes, and hover a little less closely allowing their children the benefit of risk. 

Gifts

Gifts.  

Have you ever received a gift, and after a period of time found it to be a burden? 

When my daughter was in kindergarten she received a coupon for a free hermit crab from a local business. Thirty dollars later after we purchased the "free"crab, its accessories, and a companion crab we brought it all home. 

As much as we enjoyed our new little pets, once the newness wore off we realized that we had just signed up for the responsibility of caring for these little lives. Now the word burdensome might be an overstatement, but I think the point is made. 

Sometimes we wish for something, and when it arrives we find ourselves wondering what we were thinking? The other day I was listening to the podcast Happier featuring Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft. One of their guests was sharing the points of a manifesto she had written about her life. Included was the idea of not allowing gifts to become burdens. 

She had traveled across the country to begin graduate school, and was transitioning into her new life. She considered this opportunity a gift, and did not want to slip into considering it a burden once the hard work of the semester kicked in. 

I really took to her words to heart, and vowed not to fall for the trap of thinking gifts might be burdens. Eventhough, circumstances might get tough at times they most often are worth the effort. 

Anything and Everything

Anything and everything. 

The Way You Do Anything is the Way You Do Everything is a book written by business owner Suzanne Evans. Her thinking is, "What separates excellence from average is not talent or opportunity. It is approach."

Most of the time it is the little things that make the difference. My husband has an eye for detail and does nothing half-way. I have always admired his work ethic and it has taken him far over the years. 

As a student I always worked to make sure that my handwriting was neat, and I made it a practice to go that extra mile to do my best. This habit was instilled in me by my mother who excelled in this area. 

Once my younger sister had waited to the last minute to start an assignment. I knew there wasn't enough time to fully address the project, but I assured her I knew what teachers liked. Although, there may have only been about a notecard's worth of information included in her project, she had prepared the most beautiful poster around. She ended up getting a good grade, and today her design talents are evident in everything she undertakes. She could have just given up and turned in a half-hearted effort, but she did not. 

Don't allow yourself to get in the habit of doing things only half-way. As Aristotle reminds us, "We are what we repeatedly do."

Count Your Blessings

Count your blessings. 

I find myself sometimes envious of my friends whose elderly parents are still living independently. It wasn't so long ago that was the case for my Dad. 

I remember that when I would visit he had the habit of telling the same stories over and over again. At the time I knew that someday he would not be here to tell those stories, so I never really minded hearing them. 

What I hadn't counted on was his inability to express himself due to dementia. My misconception was that dementia was all about memory. Although, that is a part of the disease there are many other symptoms as well. 

Although, Dad does seem to recognize his family, his speech is incomprehensible leaving you with a sense of sadness and loss. You know that he is attempting to communicate with you, but his brain just doesn't seem to be cooperating. 

Oh, what I would give to hear those once familiar stories over again. Dad's quick wit and laugh is also something I miss each day. 

Treasure those moments you have with your elderly parents, because they certainly are not guaranteed. 

Make Your Case

Make your case. 

In Kimberly Guilfoyle's book, Making the Case, she writes about how her father taught her to never be afraid to ask, but to always be prepared to make her case. This has served her well over the years as she has gone on to achieve success. 

I think some of us are quick to express our opinion without ever really researching our case.  On the other hand, some of us hold back not saying what we truly believe in fear of insult or ridicule. I have experienced both. 

What Guilfoyle has taught me is that if I take the time to research my case then I have a better leg to stand on. I probably also will better understand the opposing view. Her father taught her the life lesson that the answer may not always be what you want to hear, but your efforts are still valuable. 

Be thoughtful before speaking, but do not be fearful to speak. 

"Don't ever be afraid to ask for anything, BUT BE PREPARED. Think about why you want it and why I should say yes. Have your best supporting reasons at the quick."

Anthony "Tony" Guilfoyle

Princess vs Superhero

Princess vs superhero.

Apparently this Halloween the superhero costume was more popular with young girls than the traditional princess costume. I actually didn't find this too shocking as I never really was a princess kind of girl. 

My heros were Nancy Drew, Perry Mason, and a host of secret agents from 1960's tv. Even though my best friend and I played our fair share of Barbies, we also embraced the superhero while reenacting our favorite Batman and Robin episodes. 

As much as I would have loved to be Batman I chose Robin instead as we shared a common birthday. Well at least the actor and I did. My friend and I created our own Batcave in her carport storage room. It was filled with high tech Bat equipment made from cardboard boxes. We spent many afternoons saving the world. I doubt any princesses of our youth could have done the same. Elsa hadn't made it onto the silver screen yet. 

I guess my friend and I were just ahead of our time. Same bat time, same bat channel. 

Change Your Environment

Change your environment. 

In an article by David J. Barczyk he writes about ways to possibly prevent dementia in your future. Along with familiar ideas like diet and exercise, he writes about how changing your environment can have a positive effect on brain health. 

"It may seem counterintuitive, but look for ways to struggle a bit and challenge your brain. Take a different route to work.  If you usually go left, go right. Do something different. Change your routine."

Even small changes in routine can be motivating. As much as our brain seems to crave the familiar, it responds quite nicely to novelty. Unfortunately, as I've gotten older I find it so much easier to remain closer to home in the comfort of my routine. In my younger days I was always up for the next new adventure. Now I wonder about the size of the crowd or the weather, or if I'm going to have to drive home after dark. Who am I? 

I'm afraid I'm going to regret my fuddy duddy ways if I'm not careful. Besides, changing my environment sounds a lot more fun than an hour at the gym or a lunch of carrot sticks and lettuce. 

Ignoring Christmas

Ignoring Christmas. 

I'm ignoring Christmas right now. Everywhere I go I am bombarded with Christmas decorations. It just seems way too early to be putting up the tree. Shouldn't we get within sight of Thanksgiving before we move on to Christmas? 

I'm sure the thinking behind early Christmas has everything to do with more time to shop. Now I must admit I have been known to break out a Christmas CD a few days before December. Of course, I'm just trying to be a good steward of my ever growing Christmas CD collection, so I don't find that practice bordering on hypocrisy. 

So as I'm checking out at the grocery store or traveling through the neighborhood I'm turning a blind eye to the red and green and holding onto the orange of Thanksgiving. 

I'll be the first to agree that Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year, but I'm holding off until December. 

The Non-Sports Fan

The non-sports fan. 

It seems that I'm really missing out not being a sports fan. Unfortunately, as much as I try I just can't seem to get into it. 

Just think how different my life would be if I were a sports fan?  First of all I would have something to root for and get excited about each year. My wardrobe would be expanded 
with team jerseys and ball caps. On the weekends I would be either at the game or a sports bar or at the very least hanging out with friends around the big screen tv cheering on my favorite team. I'd be praying for the end of the curse as the Cubs played in the World Series, and my Face Book posts would revolve around my college alma mater team. 

But no, I'm basically just a stick in the mud when it comes to sports. Now ironically, some of my favorite movies over the years have been about sports. I guess I'm a sucker for the underdog prevailing, and the fast action sports scenes always seem to capture my attention. 

But, once again the words of author Gretchen Rubin seem to ring true, "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do."

The other night when everyone else  was either watching the World Series or the Country Music Awards I was once again glued to the news channel checking out the latest election results. There is no denying that I am a fan of politics, and this election season has certainly been a wild ride. 

Struggle

Struggle. 

In Alix Spiegel's article Struggle Means Learning: Difference in Eastern and Western Cultures, she writes about the research of Jim Stigler. 

Stigler traveled to Japan to observe the educational practices found in that country. He found noticeable differences between how the cultures of east and west viewed struggle in the learning process. Spiegel states, "In Eastern cultures, Stigler says, it's just assumed that struggle is a predictable part of the learning process."

Students are expected to struggle, and their perseverance through struggle is seen as a good thing. Often times in the west, however, students are embarrassed by their struggle if they don't quickly pick up new learning. Many struggling students give up too soon, and brand themselves as not good enough. 

Contrary, in Japan the fellow students allowed the struggler time to master new material without passing judgement. Following mastery they all celebrated as if they had no doubt that their peer would not be successful in the end. 

One of my former students announced in the first week of second grade that she was no good at math. I assured her that she just hadn't found what method worked best for her. With the help up a numberline she was able to add and subtract successfully. 

In viewing struggle as an expected part of learning we might not be so quick to give up when something does not come easily to us. 

Communication

Communication. 

"The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply." 

Ouch, that one sure hits home. I have a mind that seems to run a million miles an hour. My words pop out so quickly I rarely have an opportunity to edit them. I'm always thinking about the next really brilliant thing I want to say. 

I've rightly been called argumentative by my poor husband. He often says I've missed my calling by not becoming an attorney. However, I know it can be a really annoying trait over thirty-one years of marriage. 

Although, some of my words might be worth giving a second thought, the problem is that when I fail to truly listen then my capacity to understand is squelched. When I'm so busy crafting a rebuttal then I lose out on another's point of view. 

I want to make a conscious effort to be an active listener in hopes of understanding others more. 

Something New

Something new. 

One thing I have discovered about myself is that I always seem to be more motivated when I'm beginning something new. I've never really been one to be content doing the same thing over and over again. 

Even though I taught for over thirty years I found myself changing grade levels pretty regularly. The reason being is that I'm easily bored and am always looking for ways to challenge my mind. 

One way I have done this over the last several years is through the Internet. Every day is an opportunity to learn something new. I will stick with the task of new learning until it starts to become old hat. At that time my interest seems to wane and I'm off to the next new thing. 

It seems that artist Maria Kalman feels the same way; "I am open to the possibility of not knowing and discovering something new."

That First Election

That first election. 

The year was 1976 and I was a junior at NTSU, now known as UNT in Denton. Jimmy Carter was running against Ford that election.  

At the time I did not own a car, and was basically stranded in Denton. This was long before early voting, and I'm sure I knew nothing about absentee voting at the time. All I knew for sure was that I had to vote in my first presidential election. 

My family had been life-long Democrats and my mother had been glued to the television during the Watergate investigation. Her disdain for Nixon was palpable, and our kitchen door had been adorned with a tricky Dick poster for quite a while. I doubt most of my peers ate dinner with the glaring eyes of Richard Nixon over their shoulder. 

At the time my college boyfriend was attending UTA in Arlington, but he really was a trooper. That Election Day he drove from Arlington to Denton to take me to Dallas to vote, and then back to Denton before driving home to Arlington. I have to give him full credit for helping me fulfill my civic duty. 

Now to be honest my politics have changed over the years, but I still look forward to the presidential election. Luckily voting is just around the corner now. 

W.A.I.T.

W.A.I.T.

Why am I talking?

I have a habit of talking too much. Ever since I retired from teaching full-time it seems to have gotten worse. Not having that built in social network of work does seem to contribute to my need to overly express myself. Unfortunately, my poor husband seems to get the brunt of it. Lucky for me he really is quite sweet about endulging me, and doesn't complain too much. 

However, sometimes you don't really get it until you see yourself in someone else's actions. And generally that vision is not always flattering. Not too long ago I attended a series of meetings where one particular person seemed to hijack the discussion. Repeatedly she would interject her opinion, and to be honest it began to become annoying. 

As I listened to her comments it hit me that she reminded me of someone else I knew; that being me. For the first time I truly realized that my need to overly express myself was not all that endearing. 

I remembered an acronym I had heard before; W.A.I.T. Why am I talking? If I'm smart I'll remember that the next time I'm commandeering the conversation.