Signature Color

Signature color. 

Do you have a signature color? I was listening to the podcast Happier the other day when Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft were discussing this very thing. 

I couldn't help but be reminded of a woman who attends my church. It is very obvious that her signature color is purple. She is well past seventy and looks like a million bucks. Her hair is dyed and cut in a sassy Dorothy Hamill style. Each "purple" ensemble is adorned with fashionable accessories. She is tall  and lean and carries herself elegantly. 

Now in thinking about this, who really does this sort of thing-pick your favorite color and dress only in that hue?  No one really, but I love that she does. Each Sunday I look forward to seeing her next outfit. 

Always on the alert for a life lesson, I want to take to heart her fashion attitude. You know that feeling you get when you love what you're wearing. Unfortunately for me that doesn't happen often enough. 

The beauty of being older is that you don't have to be a slave to anything. You can get up each morning and choose what to wear, what to do, and where to go without fretting over the opinions of others. 

Although, I can't say that purple is my color, it has got me to thinking about choosing a signature color. I'm sure every time you find something in that color you can't help but be pleased. What about you? Would you embrace a signature color?

Margin

Margin. 

When I think of margin I can't help but think of a crisp new page of notebook paper. Margin is what allows for some white space on the page. The margin contributes to a greater ease in reading what has been written. It also may allow for a doodle or two which sometimes results in new found creativity. 

Have you ever considered this idea of margin or white space when it comes to your own life? Entrepreneur Brian Gardner promotes this idea by saying, "White space in our life is where the magic happens." I have to agree. 

Anytime I am over scheduled and leave myself no opportunities for down time, I find myself lacking in ideas. However, if I take the time to read, to listen, or just think I find myself brimming with creative thought. 

I can remember a time in my life when I really had little time for any white space, but even so, I think it is important to squeeze some into your week. Even scheduling it into your calendar might make you more apt to see its importance. 

Luckily one of the perks of retirement is more white space, but even if you are not retired I still encourage everyone to try to add some white space to your life. 

Choices

Choices. 

How are you with choices?  At first glance having many choices may seem like a good thing. After all, doesn't it make sense that with many choices you have a better chance of being satisfied? 

However, the funny thing is it generally is not the case. In fact having too many choices might just result in "analysis paralysis." In other words, you can't make a choice because you keep thinking something else better might appear, and if you've already chosen one thing then you might miss out on something you'd like better. 

Rolf Dobelli, author of The Art of Thinking Clearly puts it this way, "The more choices you have, the more unsure and therefore dissatisfied you are afterward." 

Years ago when we were having our first house built we literally had to choose everything. Every light fixture, every knob, wallpaper, brick, carpet color, entryway tile, and the laminate color for the counters. It was overwhelming, and what might have been an enjoyable task became a burden. 

Our next house only presented us with a few choices, and best of all our last house with no real choices at all. Luckily, I liked what I saw. Now, I suppose if interior design is your love a fully customized home is a dream come true. 

But for many of us we do better only having a limited number of choices. It is then that we come to the realization that "good enough" is fine. So don't fall victim to too many choices. 

The Proverbial Cliff

The proverbial cliff. 

Rolf Dobelli, author of The Art of Thinking Clearly includes the concept of social proof in his book. Basically social proof is the idea of the herd mentality; going along with the crowd or jumping off the proverbial cliff with everyone else. 

Rolf states, "The more people who follow a certain idea, the better (truer) we deem the idea to be." In addition, "...the more people who display a certain behavior, the more appropriate this behavior is judged by others." 

Now because I have the tendency to ask a multitude of questions, I have often found myself out of step with the masses. I'm not quick to jump on the bandwagon, and most trends pass me by. However, I couldn't help but think about how we process information in the context of social proof. 

Many times we think something to be true just because we have been inundated with that information. Maybe, we might do better to fact check a few things before we are so quick to jump on board. As author Aldous Huxley so aptly put, "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."

I recently heard about an event in Dallas where a multitude of people choose to walk across hot coals at the prodding of the motivational speaker. Predictably, many of them had to make a trip to the hospital. Now the whole thing seemed quite ridiculous, but why had so many chosen to go along with the idea?

Take a moment to ask a question or two, and listen to that voice inside, so you don't fall victim to social proof. 

Former Life

Former life.

I was visiting my Dad in memory care the other day. Outside each person's room was a small memento box filled with objects representing their life. As I was leaving I stopped to admire one along the way. 

It was then that I noticed that this woman used to be a teacher at Mountain View College 
during the mid-seventies. Coincidentally, even though our paths had never crossed this was 
the same time that I had attended Mountain View. 

One of the caretakers there told me he thought she had taught math. What struck me at the moment was that all of us have former lives. This woman had been a teacher like me. To teach math she must have been smart and spunky because girls of her generation rarely were mathematicians. I thought about her education, and how many students she must have helped learn a challenging subject. 

However, dementia had robbed her of so much. Her memories were limited, and her ability to live independently were no more. To the onlooker she might give the sense of having nothing left to contribute. But I had to remind myself of all she had already contributed. Each person living there had a former life, and had contributed in their own way. 

Now we have no way of knowing what our future may bring, but we do have 
today. Hopefully, you are building a life that when represented in a memento 
box would be something worth remembering. The next time I see her I will definitely ask about the time we both spent together at Mountain View. 

Dinosaur

Dinosaur. 

Are you allowing yourself to become a dinosaur? Are you resting on the laurels of what you already know? Motivational speaker Brian Tracy relates that information is doubling more rapidly than ever today. 

Allowing yourself to remain in the rut of your past learning will only result in being left behind. Marshall McLuhan wisely wrote in 1967, "Our age of anxiety is, in great part, the result of trying to do today's jobs with yesterday's tools." At that time he couldn't have imagined how different the world would be today. Although, I remained employed in a part time capacity with my school district for many years, I found myself falling behind on all the latest educational trends. The acronyms alone were almost like a foreign language. 

Although, today I am retired from education, I don't want to stop learning about the world around me. Tracy says, "Force yourself to expand your horizons by involving yourself in different mental activities."  Try and stay current in things that interest you, and push yourself to venture into uncharted waters. It is so easy to want to cling to the old ways.

I remember one year my teaching partner and I decided to question why we did everything the way we did. That year resulted in many changes, and was one of the best on record. Just because I am no longer working for pay, doesn't mean I should abandon those continuing education type of opportunities. Tracy believes that by improving your knowledge and skills you can improve the quality of your life. Don't risk becoming a dinosaur when so many opportunities for growth abound. 

Celebrate Your Wins

Celebrate your wins. 

Do you celebrate your wins? I find that I really don't. I acknowledge them, kind of like checking off a to-do list, but I don't really celebrate them. 

This first came to my attention when Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before, talked about rewarding yourself with treats. It was then that I realized that I did not treat myself based on something I had done. 

In my life I have accomplished quite a few significant milestones, and worked hard to do so. However, it seemed once I reached my goal I just moved on to the next accomplishment. I wonder why this is?

My husband is exactly the opposite. He looks forward to and enjoys his rewards for a job well done. What I am thinking now is that I have missed out on some of the fun of life. Sometimes just the anticipation brings reward, but once achieved it seems so much sweeter to celebrate. 

I have a milestone birthday approaching soon, and I actually do have some celebratory plans in the works.  How about you, do you celebrate your wins?

Central Market

Central Market.

Central Market is not an ordinary grocery store with familiar brands and products. No, it belongs to that select few-the foodies. 

Now considering the majority of my grocery shopping is done at Walmart, when it comes to this place I'm a novice. I was there the other day and found myself predictably overwhelmed. Rows and rows and ROWS of unfamiliar products, stacked high and deep. In the past I've always joked that shopping at Central Market was kind of like going on a field trip to some exotic location. 

Now on occasion I have purchased a few products from here, and they all have proved to be amazing. However, I think my real problem is that I really don't know WHAT to buy. Everything is either so unfamiliar, or there are so many choices that I become immobilized. Couple that with my failing eyesight, and just reading the labels requires a Herculean effort. 

So I find myself wandering through the aisles swooping in every now and then trying to identify a product. I also feel like I need a class in cheeses, or olives or Italian deli meat, in order to make a more informed choice. My natural tendency to gravitate toward the familiar sends my brain into culinary overload. 

However, with my push toward growth mindset, I'm looking forward to the challenge of learning about all the delightful products now available to me at Central Market. And I can't help but be reminded as to how much I always enjoyed a good field trip!

Crowded

Crowded. 

I live in a crowded community. A rushed community where everyone is in such a hurry that they are quick to anger when someone makes a driving error. They honk their horns, make unsightly hand gestures, and race past you aggressively to get the spot they think they deserve. 

Now it wasn't always this way. Thirty years ago it was a sleepy community with only one blinking traffic light. Cars would move over to the shoulder to allow others to pass. It was a place where you would run into familiar people everywhere you went. 

Now that rarely happens. We are a community of strangers. Construction is everywhere in an attempt to cram in a few more people. Apartment buildings are now four stories high with massive parking garages. The apartments sit only inches from the road taking advantage of valuable real estate. 

I find myself taking the back roads unknown to people new to the community. Even during the weekdays the traffic is unbearable. Cars competing for lanes, rushing through parking lots, and all trying to be the first in line. 

When we first moved here we were one of five thousand. Now we are one of one hundred fifty thousand plus. Where there used to be one elementary and one high school, now I've lost count as new schools are constructed yearly. We used to gather as one community for the annual homecoming parade watching the hand pomped floats as they traveled down Main St.   Candy falling like rain to the delight of the children. 

We are told unconvincingly that we still have that "small town feel," but to those of us who have experienced it we know it not to be true. Now the conviences are many, the restaurants unending, and the landscaping is beautiful, but I long for the days where the hand gesture shared was a wave, followed by a smile.  

Unexpected Places

Unexpected places. 

As I was headed down the alley yesterday a small purple flower caught my eye. It wasn't anything purposely planted, more like a weed peeking through the fence. 

In my haste I kept on to get where I was going.  However, in the seconds that passed I realized that the purple bloom was actually quite pretty, and a photo I might want to use in my blog. I stopped the car and crouched down to take its picture. It was then that it occurred to me that this beautiful flower was actually in an unexpected place. 

Somehow it had worked its way from a respectable garden to the back side of the fence. It stood there all alone, quite out of place. And yet this little guy was showing off begging to be noticed. 

After capturing its beauty with my phone, and touching it gently to make sure it was real, I continued on my way. However, not without the thought of unexpected places, and how fun it is to find these little treasures along the way. Author Angela N. Blount says, "Sometimes the most scenic roads in life are the detours you didn't mean to take." 

So as you travel through your day keep your eyes open for unexpected places and the surprises they can bring. 

Motto

Motto. 

The definition of a motto is, "a short sentence or phrase chosen as encapsulating the beliefs or ideals guiding an individual, family or institution." I think I may have just discovered mine.  

Carol Dweck in her book Mindset, believes, "No matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment."  I think effort is what has been 
missing from my life. I have fallen victim to the misguided notion that if too much effort was 
required then I must be lacking ability. 

Dweck also states that people with a fixed mindset, like me, believe that, "If you have to work at something, you must not be good at it." I can't help but be reminded how this relates to me and crotcheting. Now in the scheme of life what does it really matter if I learn to crochet or not? However, several years ago I decided I wanted to learn how to crotchet. My grandmother had once attempted to teach me, but I never quite got the hang of it, and gave up quite quickly when it became apparent that it was hard. 

Many years later with the guidance of a family member I decided to tackle it again. Each movement was so foreign and awkward I didn't think I'd ever learn. Eventually I was able to get into some kind of rhythm resulting in me actually crotcheting. Unfortunately, after getting pretty proficient with a stitch called double crotchet I never really went on to learn the other stitches. In addition, I never learned how to read a pattern, and kind of winged it with my misshapen scarves. Having to admit that crotcheting was difficult for me seemed to be more than my precious  self-esteem could handle. Because of this I wasn't willing to put in the effort required to learn more about it. So in essence I was content to go through life only knowing one stitch in an effort to not risk failure. 

Now this may all seem a little over the top considering I'm talking about yarn and a hook, but I now see this as a metaphor for my life. Not learning how to use my Mac laptop, never taking my camera off of the automatic settings, never wiping the dust off the sewing  machine, and repeatedly cooking the same meals over and over again are all the many ways I've let a fixed mindset hold me back. 

It is not my lack of ability, rather my lack of effort that seems to get in the way. I can't help but be reminded of a quote from Shakespeare that I read many years ago, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt." It sounds like Shakespeare  knew a thing or two about mindset.

Envy

Envy. 

Generally speaking envy is not considered a positive emotion. You've heard the saying, "Green with envy." 

However, Megyn Kelly used a quote by Dr. Phil as a catalyst for change in her life. "The only difference between you and someone you envy is that you settled for less." She went on to leave a promising career in law and has chronicled her experiences in her book Settle For More. 

Additionally, Gretchen Rubin teaches that using envy as a clue as to what might be missing in your own life can be valuable. I can't say that I am necessarily "green with envy," but I have been guilty of comparing myself with others. If I use this comparison more as a guage as to where I want to be in my own life then I won't have to settle for less. Rather, I can be content in my choices or like Megyn Kelly use envy as a springboard to living a more satisfying life. 

Sleeveless

Sleeveless. 

Something pretty amazing or maybe I should say arm-azing happened last week. I was shopping for some new summer shirts when I allowed myself to try on a sleeveless one. 


Now this may not seem a big deal for most, but it was for me. You see I probably have not worn sleeveless shirts since my thirties. I guess when I started noticing the imperfections of my upper arms I decided that sleeveless should be a thing of the past. Not that I ever wore them all that often. In fact, back during my disco days my roommate and I were some of the few bearing sleeves on the dance floor.

However, something pretty surprising happened when I tried on that first sleeveless shirt. It actually looked pretty darn cute, and I felt years younger. Woah! Why had I been hiding my arms under a bushel for all these years? 

Now mind you, my arms weren't perfect-actually far from it, but for some crazy reason I didn't seem to mind much. As I get ready to enter the next decade of my life the reality of gravity winning is pretty much a given. However, I'm not getting any younger, so what the heck! 

Unfortunately, I'm not quite sure I feel the same way about my upper thighs just yet. Their unveiling might have to wait for my seventies!

Fixed or Growth?

Fixed or growth?

How do you approach the world?  

Are you like me sticking close to the things you do well?  Always trying to prove that you are competent? 

Or do you look forward to attempting new things?  Do you like the challenge of the unknown and the new learning that it may bring? 

This idea of mindset comes from the research of Carol Dweck and is found in her book Mindset. Those like me with a fixed mindset sure miss out, because we are too busy trying to appear perfect. 

While those with a growth mindset approach the world in a whole different way. Each new opportunity presents itself as a way to learn. It's the process, not the product that becomes more of the focus. 

I think about all the things I haven't done because I wasn't sure that I could. I think how I have remained in the comfort zone of what I could already do instead of stretching myself to try something I'd not tried before. 

What I'm learning though, is that mindset is pretty much up to me. It can be changed. As I begin reframing through the lense of a growth mindset, the possibilities seem to abound, and it sounds like fun. 

The Questioner

The Questioner. 

Better Than Before is a book about habits written by one of my favorite bloggers Gretchen Rubin. Included in this book is something called the Four Tendencies, which she designed to help people with habit formation. 

After taking the on-line quiz, I was not surprised to learn that I was a questioner with upholder tendencies. In other words, I am comfortable with most rules, but even so, I can't just blindly follow them without asking a few questions along the way. 

It really is interesting how these tendencies affect your habits or lack of habits. I have the habit of making my bed each day. I do this not because I have to, but rather because I want to. I have found that climbing into an already made bed contributes to a better night's sleep for me. So because I fully buy into bed making, this is not a difficult habit for me to maintain. 

Rubin points out that a one size fits all approach to habit formation generally is not effective because we all approach habits from our own tendency. If you find yourself struggling with a habit you might want to investigate her Four Tendencies more fully. 

Cross Pollinator

Cross pollinator. 

I heard this term recently and it really resonated with me. I have to say that I identify as a cross pollinator. I am someone who gathers knowledge and then shares it with others. This was one of my favorite parts of being a teacher, and I must say that I miss that captive audience of seven year olds. They found me to be a never ending fountain of knowledge, and always begged for more. 

Now I can't say that the adults I've come across react quite the same way.  But I must admit that sometimes the information just comes bubbling out, and I find myself sharing these tidbits with the stranger in front of me at Walmart. 

Sometimes I wish there was a Cross Pollinator Club for information lovers. We could share all our wonderful new learning with each other, and spare our loved ones the torture. Luckily though, my blog has become my cross pollination outlet, and I enjoy sharing some of the things I'm learning along the way. 

Self-compassion

Self-compassion. 

Why does it seem that often times it is much easier to show compassion toward others and not toward ourselves? Why are we reluctant to embrace our limitations? 

Stephen M. Shapiro writes in Goal-Free Living, "Sometimes we don't want the world to know who we really are.  Hiding the truth from ourselves and living our lives through the eyes of others can be debilitating." 

Recently I took an on-line course hosted by Brene Brown and Kristin Neff about self-compassion. What I discovered about myself and my struggle with self-compassion was something called common humanity. I was reminded that we are all in this life together, and not so different from each other after all. 

So when I would predictably fall short and would be extremely hard on myself, I needed to show that same compassion toward myself as I would graciously extend to others. You see for some reason it was okay for them to fall short, but I was not allowed. 

What I failed to realize was that it was this common humanity, this we are all in the same boat mentality, that was the key to building closer relationships. Being afraid to show your true, imperfect self, doesn't bring you closer, it actually stands in the way. 

I'm learning to see myself as no different than anyone else when it comes to inadequacies. Although, they may not always be identical our common humanity is what brings us together. 

Meandering

Meandering. 

Stephen M. Shapiro, author of Goal-Free Living, writes, "The best paths are the ones we know nothing about and would never have visited unless we allow ourselves to meander."

The definition of meander is to travel a winding path or course. I have been guilty of not allowing myself to meander. I have been guilty of putting into practice the one thing I learned in Geometry class, "The shortest distance between two points is a straight line." 

Although, the straight line is certainly efficient it doesn't always allow for stopping along the way to savor the view. Although, it may not always be practical to meander, it might be something to consider when circumstances allow. 

The Purr-ogative

The purr-ogative.

If you are not a cat owner you might be unaware of a phenomena known as the purr-ogative. As we speak my cat is purring contentedly beside me with her paws crossed adoringly on my arm. Now to an unsuspecting observer they might think, "Oh, how sweet!"

But to a seasoned cat owner we have learned never to let our guard down. Because you know at any moment your cat may change their mind. They may decide that a little bite is in order, and you will never quite know when that moment arrives. 

Cats are very different than dogs. Dogs are always full-in. They are always excited to see you, they are devoted to you constantly and hang on your every word. Cats really don't care all that much if you're smitten with them or not. If you are there, and they want some warmth and affection, then you better dare not move your arm too quickly or you might be toast. 

But the unexplainable thing is that between the purring, the rubbing, and the occasional licking they pretty much have full control over you- thus the purr-ogative. 

My Real Self

My real self. 

I've been giving some thought about my real self vs my fantasy self when it comes to my backyard. We have a nice backyard with a pool that we installed when our daughter was in high school. It was the perfect place for her and her friends to hang out. A few years ago we invested in some outdoor furniture to make the place more inviting. 

Now my fantasy self envisions me drinking coffee each morning sitting out by the pool listening to the relaxing trickle of the pool fountain. Unfortunately, I rarely drink coffee, and basically save this brew for the weekend. 

I also envision myself basking in the sun on a lounger working on an incredible tan. However, I'm too concerned about skin cancer and wrinkles to get anywhere near the sun. In fact, most of my swimming has been at night. 

Speaking of night, all those fun evening cookouts and hanging out by the pool have been thwarted by a pesky little disease spreader known as the mosquito. Between West Nile and Zika, and my husband's tendency to be a mosquito magnet, somehow this fantasy doesn't look appealing anymore. 

My fantasy of exercising daily in our pool is ruined when I consider having to rewash and dry my hair. Enjoying a good book out by the pool becomes a hot, sweaty mess when it comes to the non-existent shady area in the backyard. 

Woah, real me is such a drag! 

So what can I do to bring these two me's closer together? In an effort to be true to myself and enjoy the outdoors which I love I intend to enjoy my weekend coffee outside underneath an umbrella while enjoying the comfort of some new furniture cushions. I'll continue to use self-tanner so I don't have to tempt fate and still feel comfortable baring my legs in the light of day. I've located a really cute swim cap on-line, and plan on ordering it soon. Who am I trying to impress? I've researched some effective mosquito control and plan to enjoy nights out by the pool. And finally, the umbrella will help contribute to outdoor reading.  

Hey maybe real me and fantasy me are not so far apart. It just took a little tweaking to make my dream come true. 

The Bigger Life

The bigger life. 

I was listening to the podcast Happier the other day where Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft were sharing one of their Try This at Home tips. When confronted with a decision where the pros and cons seem relatively equal use the idea of the bigger life to decide. 

Now sometimes the bigger life includes more risk or work, but the payoff may be unmeasurable. Three years ago I made the decision to plunge back into puppyhood.  It had been eleven years since I had owned a puppy, but my life seemed to be missing the spark that I knew a puppy could bring. 

However, just like the pangs of childbirth, I had conviently forgotten about the "work" 
involved in training up a puppy in the way he should go. I don't think I slept through the night for at least nine months getting up to let the little guy out. I was constantly on sentry duty guarding against any chewed furniture. Ironically, it wasn't until many months later that we discovered the chewed leg of the dining room table. Thank goodness it wasn't Thomasville! Leaving the house now revolved around how long the puppy could be crated. Regular trips to the vet became the norm. 

Wow, talk about work, inconvience and sleepless nights. But you know what? It was soooo completely worth it. Talk about a bigger life. Cooper brought a whole new dimension to my world. Between the laughter, the snuggles, the kisses and the utter devotion, every sleepless night paled in comparison to the joy that one little curly haired canine could bring. 

So when faced with a decision in your life, ask yourself which decision would result in the bigger life? 

Compass

Compass. 

A compass is a tool used to identify direction. I've been reading lately about the difference between a map and a compass when it comes to the course of your life. 

Stephen M. Shapiro in Goal-Free Living recommends using a compass instead of a map to set your direction. "This secret is about finding a direction in life that feels right, something big and bold that calls you forward into action." 

He writes about choosing a path based on your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Using the compass mentality over the map allows you to be open to new experiences along the way, rather than being restricted by the map. 

I like this idea as I move into retirement. I like being open to new things, and not feeling the need to have all the answers. Getting off the beaten path sounds more adventurous. As long as you keep moving toward your aspirations, know that there is always more than one way to get there. 

I urge you to consider the idea of the compass, especially if you have always taken great comfort in the safety of the map.