Self-compassion.
Why does it seem that often times it is much easier to show compassion toward others and not toward ourselves? Why are we reluctant to embrace our limitations?
Stephen M. Shapiro writes in Goal-Free Living, "Sometimes we don't want the world to know who we really are. Hiding the truth from ourselves and living our lives through the eyes of others can be debilitating."
Recently I took an on-line course hosted by Brene Brown and Kristin Neff about self-compassion. What I discovered about myself and my struggle with self-compassion was something called common humanity. I was reminded that we are all in this life together, and not so different from each other after all.
So when I would predictably fall short and would be extremely hard on myself, I needed to show that same compassion toward myself as I would graciously extend to others. You see for some reason it was okay for them to fall short, but I was not allowed.
What I failed to realize was that it was this common humanity, this we are all in the same boat mentality, that was the key to building closer relationships. Being afraid to show your true, imperfect self, doesn't bring you closer, it actually stands in the way.
I'm learning to see myself as no different than anyone else when it comes to inadequacies. Although, they may not always be identical our common humanity is what brings us together.
Your learning is great. I found it an amazing moment when Brené admitted that she was feeling that she thought herself better than one who struggles. "I really shouldn't be having these issues because I am beyond this." Common humanity, pow! We all feel self- anger, and self reproach, no matter how evolved we get. My hands go to my heart regularly.
ReplyDeleteI actually was a little ashamed that I felt myself to be better than others. Because of this I could never allow myself to make a mistake. It is a hard life to live like this. I'm reading an excellent book that I think you might like. I will be posting about it at a later date. It is called Mindset and is written by Carol Dweck. It is literally changing my whole outlook.
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