Secrets of Adulthood-Day 11

 “If we’re not likely to win a starting role, we can stage our own performance.”

For years, gatekeepers controlled the arts. Publishers determined which books we read. Album companies determined the music we heard. Artists and actors had to break through using conventional methods. 

That is until recently. I know of an artist who got his start sketching people on the NY subway and then posting them on social media. Authors are now self-publishing books. With the opportunity to start podcasts and YouTube channels, people no longer have to wait for someone else to determine them a star. 

I started a blog in 2015. I curated a photo gallery on Instagram. I'm finishing my first novel and will self-publish it. Will any of these endeavors win me an award? Probably not, but I sure have enjoyed pursuing all three. 

What is something you've been wanting to do and have been putting off?

Secret of Adulthood-Day 10

 “Pouring out ideas is better for the imagination than doling them out by teaspoon.”

I remember a technique I used in my classroom called brainstorming. I'm sure most of you have used it at some point. The basic premise is that you list as many ideas as you can without passing judgment on any of them.

When you are through, you can go back and determine which ideas will probably work best for you. 

I find that in life we are guilty of false choices. When faced with a dilemma, we narrow our choices down to one or the other, thinking those are our only options. In reality, several other possibilities might be better. 

If we get in the habit of pouring out our ideas, we will end up with many choices. Letting our imagination run wild is not necessarily a bad thing. 

Hoarding ideas and only dispensing them drop by drop hinders our creativity. And remember, creativity isn't limited to an art project or your next novel. Any time there is a problem to solve, this is an opportunity for your creativity to shine. 

Secrets of Adulthood-Day 9

                                            “More knowledge, more questions.”

Are you familiar with the Dunning-Kruger effect? It's basically when people with limited knowledge vastly overestimate what they know about a subject. 

At the same time, those who know more don't claim to be experts because they realize there is always more to learn.

You’ll find that a curious person accumulates knowledge by asking questions. Children are well-known for their use of the word why. That's how they figure out the world around them. 

The lesson learned is that a questioning nature helps you become more informed, and that's not a bad thing. 

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 8

 “Beautiful tools make work a joy.”

About ten years into my marriage, I was introduced to Pampered Chef. Until then, I cooked with basic cooking utensils I'd picked up here or there. 

I didn't know any different, and I wasn't sure I wanted to spend the high prices on Pampered Chef, but I went ahead and ordered a few. First, it was a cutting board, then a chopper. (You needed the cutting board to use the chopper)Later I invested in a garlic press, and my life was transformed. 

Around that time, I realized how much money we had invested in my husband’s Craftsman tools. (I had purchased most of them as gifts) Obviously, I thought it was important for him to have quality tools; why were my kitchen tools any different?

As I invested more in my kitchen utensils, my cooking improved. It might have had more to do with a new interest and excitement in cooking, but regardless, the quality of our meals improved. 

The same goes for a nice set of colored pencils or a beautiful journal and pen. Having the right tools can make the work more enjoyable. 

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 7

  

“If we’re not failing, we’re not trying hard enough.”

I don't fail very often. At first glance, that might sound like I'm bragging. Actually, I generally stick to the things I know I can do well. 

As an approval seeker from a young age (thank you, firstborn girl), I basically steered away from things I might fail at. If something was too hard or took too long, I chose something else. 

I wish I could say things have changed, but it's not that easy. Last year I purchased a crochet kit that was supposed to make a cute dinosaur. I was all excited and sat down to get started. I know the basics of crochet, but I had struggled to follow a pattern. 

I wish I could say I have a cute dinosaur sitting on my bookshelf. After several attempts, I gave up. It was not fun. My frustration level was beyond what I'd call comfortable, and I didn't want to continue. 

The secret is the not-trying-hard-enough part. In my heart of hearts, I know that there is a powerful lesson here. Except it's not one I really want to learn. 

I do admire those people who are willing to fail, and I think that's the best way to be. 

How comfortable are you with failure?

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 6

 “The world looks different from a footpath than from a car.”

There’s a story my family likes to tell. Once, when visiting my father and stepmother in Arkansas, we took a trip from Ft. Smith to Hot Springs.

Now, mind you, this is about a three-hour drive. 

When we arrived, my father drove us around pointing out the sights. After quite a few turns around the town, Chuck asked if it would be okay if we got out of the car. You see, my father had been to Hot Springs before and apparently saw no reason to stop and explore the city on foot. 

We laugh about it today, and are grateful Chuck spoke up, because we got to dip our toes into the actual hot springs.

In life, we can sometimes be guilty of staying in the car and overlooking what is right in front of us, especially if it's something we do every day. 

Stopping to smell the roses really is the better way. 

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 5

  “We can change our lives without changing ourselves.”

When I was thirteen, I came across a book at the library titled A New You.  For the next few years, I checked that book out continually, hoping to become a new me.

What I didn't know then, and barely know now at times, is that there really isn't anything intrinsically wrong with me. I didn't need to be a new me; I just needed to be me. 

Thirteen is a hard age, as you begin falling into the comparison trap. Each new acne breakout only confirms what you know to be true. You aren't good enough in the eyes of the popular girls. 

As the years have ticked by, I've realized that when considering the changes we want to make, we need to take our own temperament into account. 

Rubin’s book, The Four Tendencies, helps us to identify our natural way of doing things. She explains that by using techniques geared toward our specific type, we have a better chance of meeting our goals. 

It's best to embrace your natural self and, like Rubin says, “Be Gretchen.” I remind myself to “Be Shari” often and have stopped making excuses for who I am. 

I encourage you to do the same.

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 4

 “Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life; we can change ourselves by changing our habits.”

What are your habits? Both good and bad. 

I bet you automatically brush your teeth in the morning before you leave the house. It's probably something you don't even give any real thought to, because you've done it for so long it's just become a part of who you are. 

Unfortunately, we all have some of those not-so-good habits that we wish we could curtail. Without these, New Year's Day would just be another day of the year. 

Gretchen Rubin has studied habits and even wrote the book Better Than Before about ways to create new habits and let go of the ones you don't like.  I highly recommend this book if you are serious about making real changes. 

Think about the idea of architecture and how the structure of a building determines how sound it is. When we were building our home, we were excited to learn that metal buildings didn't require the same kind of load-bearing walls as most traditional builds. 

This gave us the freedom to design our floor plan the way we wanted. By creating habits that strengthen our lives, we can gain real freedom from constantly making decisions. 

I don't drink tea or Coke, so ordering a drink at a restaurant suddenly becomes easier. It's water or an occasional fancy lemonade drink. 

Trying to get in 4,000 steps before noon will pretty much assure me I get enough steps for the rest of the day without really trying. 

Setting a timer for thirty minutes makes it easier to get my reading done. 

So consider yourself a work in progress and what architectural features can you include to make habit-building easier? 

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 3

 

“It's easier to change our surroundings and our schedules than to change ourselves.”

We’ve all been there. The number on the scale goes up. A corner of our house has gotten out of control. We find ourselves easily winded when taking a walk. 

That's usually when we decide to change. We get highly motivated and pretty much white-knuckle our way through the next week. 

Except we find ourselves returning to our old ways because our discipline begins to wane, and we are right back to where we started. Or even worse. 

Rubin states in this secret of adulthood that trying to change our nature is not only difficult, but probably impossible. So what’s a person to do?

Start changing your surroundings and your schedule. Don't pick up that bag of chips from the grocery store. “Out of sight, out of mind.”

Rubin gives the tip of keeping your tennis shoes next to your bed so you can put them on first thing in the morning and get into the habit of a morning walk. 

Setting an alarm on your phone for bedtime makes it easier to get more sleep.  

Filling my Owala bottle with water in the morning makes it easier for me to drink more water throughout the day. 

These simple changes to my surroundings and schedule have made it less difficult to make the changes I want without relying fully on my self-discipline. 

What is something you've struggled to change, and could changing your surroundings or schedule help you accomplish your goal?

Secrets of Adulthood- Day 2

“What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.”

Have you ever noticed how people tend to point out what they’ve been doing wrong instead of what they’ve done right?

The extra chocolate chip cookie, the missed day at the gym, being lured down the rabbit hole of the latest internet conspiracy all seem to get our attention. We’ve all been there to one degree or another, and we are often quick to beat ourselves up for missing the mark. 

However, when you think about it, it's not the few times we mess up that gets in the way. What makes the difference is what we do most of the time. 

By nature, I've been more of an all-or-nothing kind of person. If I can't do things perfectly, then I'm quick to give up. I'm still learning to extend myself some grace, just as I would to others. 

So now, when I don't measure up perfectly, I remind myself of this little secret and quickly inventory all the things I've done right that week. 

I hope you can remember this too. 

Secrets of Adulthood Day 1

Well, it's October again, and for me that means another 31 Day Writing Challenge. This year I'm using Gretchen Rubin’s book, Secrets of Adulthood, as my inspiration. Gretchen is an author and podcast host who writes and teaches about happiness. She has written several books, but she's probably best known for The Happiness Project.

Each day this month, I’ll be writing about one of the many secrets of adulthood that Rubin mentions in her book. I hope you’ll follow along and perhaps will take a few to heart. 

“Accept yourself, and expect more of yourself.”

About ten years ago, I was sitting in a movie theater waiting for the show to start. I was contemplating something I really didn't want to do and making excuses not to. On a whim, I fired off an email to Gretchen Rubin, convinced she'd agree with me. She always promoted authenticity, and I couldn't help it if I didn't want to do something. I was so sure she would tell me to “Be Shari.”

I was shocked that she actually responded to me, not immediately, but soon after, and was even more shocked by her response. Instead of confirming my instincts just to be me, she responded with the following quote: “Accept yourself, and expect more of yourself.”

Wait! I can't just sit back insisting that my behavior is just the way I am. No questions asked. Was I supposed to expect more of myself?

Gretchen certainly put me in my place, but in a good way. 

As important as it is to be true to yourself. Shakespeare was correct. It's probably just as important, if not more, to rise to the occasion. To push yourself. To venture out of your comfort zone. 

When can you expect more of yourself?