Reframing

Reframing.

I was reading something the other day about the benefit of reframing, and realized that this was a habit of mine. 

My husband commented on this recently when I automatically pointed out the good in a bad situation. This ability to look for silver linings really can help contribute to a happier life. 

I never kid myself that we can't be faced with inconveniences, unfortunate situations or even tragedies, but I have found that even in the worst of circumstances you can find the good if you look for it. 

This was clearly revealed to me over the last few years as I journeyed through my father's dementia. As heartbreaking as it was to see a once brilliant, independent man struggle to complete a sentence, the people I met along the way helped make an unbearable circumstance into a bearable one. 

In fact, not only bearable, but pleasant. Now I'm not saying every second was pure joy, but there was joy, and I learned to look for it in the most unsuspecting places. So many of the people who touched our family during that time were the silver linings that saw us through a difficult time. 

I think maybe my Dad himself was a silver lining as well. The day we took him to sell his car, knowing full well that he would never drive again, and was returning to his new home in assisted living, he pointed out how beautiful the clouds were as we stopped at a red light. 

A few months later as he sat in the dentist's chair to have a cap repaired, his face bruised and scraped from a recent fall, he stared out through the large picture window at the clouds. Once again he remarked on the beauty of what I was beginning to learn must have been a favorite of his. It seemed remarkable to me that Dad was still taking pleasure in the simple things, although his circumstances really gave him no reason to. 

Whenever, you asked Dad how he was he always replied with a resounding, "Fine." He could be heard whistling as he went through his daily chores as my stepmother's caretaker. He cared for her for thirteen years after her untimely stroke, and never once did I hear him complain. He seemed to meet each day with a smile, and did what needed to be done whether he wanted to or not. He also confided in me that he said his rosary daily as he ran his errands in town. My father's faith was strong and true. 

We can learn a lot from our parent's example, even into our adulthood. My natural ability to reframe things, might not be so natural after all. Maybe my knack of looking for silver linings was learned through following his example. Either way I sure feel blessed to be able to do so.