Living by Default

Living by default. 

John C. Maxwell reminds us, “I used to think life was lived by default, not by design.”

When you become aware of this you can no longer plead ignorance to the life you may be living, especially if it is one you never intended to live. 

It is easier to live by default. 

I remember a conversation I once had with a woman I had met at the library. She told me that she had lived in the area for nine years. Then as if hearing herself for the first time she lamented the fact that she had never planned to stay there so long. 

Although individual days and weeks can sometimes take forever, years have a way of creeping up on us. Before you know it nine years have passed by, and you are still living the same life you were nine years before. 

Don’t fall into the trap of the default life. Don’t wait until a better time to begin the life you’ve always wanted. Start designing it today. 

Boundaries

Boundaries.

Lorne Michaels the creator of Saturday Night Live
 was asked in an interview by Alec Baldwin why he chose to stay on network tv and not make the leap to the less restrictive platform of cable? Lorne replied, “There’s no creativity without boundaries.”

The boundaries of network standards had provided a parameter for his creativity. Now whether you are like me or not, and prefer the old school SNL, Michaels has been creating for over forty years within the boundaries of an ever changing network. 

This got me to thinking about the other built in boundaries we have in our lives. Rules, regulations, and even the Ten Commandments are all ways to check our actions, and allow us to function in a manner that brings about civility. 

Unfortunately, these boundaries seem to be lacking in many other areas of daily living. As a result we seem to have become coarser in our talk, have thrown civil discourse out the window, and have very little regard for the truth anymore. 

Boundaries shouldn’t be regarded as barriers to living our best and most creative life, rather they help to keep things in check. When anything goes, than often times we are left in the wake of another’s destructiveness. 

I feel sometimes for this younger generation who we allowed not to be constrained by the boundaries of our youth. In our attempts to shelter them from the consequences of their actions we created a world without a roadmap to help guide them. Now I’ll be the first to say, thanks to the influence of my husband, veering off that map every now and then does have its benefits. 

However, when you can do whatever you want regardless, it’s often times hard to know what to do. Choosing to allow boundaries in your life helps you to hone in on creating a more satisfying life, because it allows you enough security to do so. 

Of course, this is only my humble opinion, but I do think it might be worth considering. 

The Curse of Perfectionism-or All or Nothing Thinking

The curse of perfectionism- or all or nothing thinking. 

I don’t know about you, but I find myself falling prey to the myth of perfection around this time of year. Since we are now on the back half of January how are all those resolutions you made doing? Have you been able to stay on track most of the time?

Now actually if that is true then I’d say you are doing really well. However, for the perfectionist “most of the time” is often times not good enough, and can be paramount to not at all. For some reason it’s either all or nothing when it comes to reaching your goals. 

Once I gained four pounds on a cruise, and threw my hands up in despair. I just gave up, and I was thirty pounds heavier the next time I walked into a Weight Watchers meeting. My all or nothing thinking had kept me from just moving on and losing the four pounds I’d gained. “What’s the point?” seemed to be my mantra. 

However, don’t fall victim to allowing “the perfect to be the enemy of the good.” The truth is that what we do most of the time really outweighs what we do every now and then. So if you are still walking more days than not, or refraining from a daily dessert and leaving it for the weekend then beating yourself up in the long run doesn’t help. 

Hopefully, you are still moving forward in whatever you hoped to do differently this year. Be aware if you suffer from “all or nothing thinking” and don’t let it get in the way of living the life you truly want. 

That Darn Cat

That Darn Cat. 

This weekend was my precious grandson’s first birthday. Friday eveningwe picked up his other set of grandparents at the airport, and they were spending the night with us. Our plan was to leave early the next morning to make our way to our daughter and son-in-law’s home. 

Although, we are now living in a smart home with Alexa and an i phone, Chuck and I are still living in the nineties when it comes to alarm clocks. Heck, if it was good enough for us to use almost thirty years why shouldn’t it be good enough for us today?

Well, after what happened on Saturday we may have to rethink this one. 

I had set the alarm for 6:30, in order to hit the road by 8:00. When it went off that morning I got up and took my shower. After getting out of the shower, Chuck entered the bathroom and asked me if I knew what time it was? Well I was assuming some time around 6:45, but I was completely wrong. 

NO it was actually 4:45!!!!

Now, how in the world did that happen? I began to wonder if I was losing my mind? How in the world did the alarm go off two hours early?

And then it hit me. The CAT!!!

Normally Abby chooses not to sleep with us at night, but I think because Brittany’s in-laws were spending the night just down the hall the cat decided that our bed was the better choice. Except for when she didn’t. She made her way on and off of our bed several times that night, always announcing her presence with a loud purring sound. 

Her modus operandi was to jump on and off of the end table to make her way to the bed. Her almost fifteen year old body is not as spry as it once was, and I’m thinking that one of the times she jumped off she must have landed on the alarm clock just long enough to fast forward the hour by two. 

So there I was fully clean, but two hours too early. So what did I do? Well, went back to bed of course, and gave myself an extra thirty minutes to sleep. Except this time I asked Alexa to wake me up at seven.  

I guess it’s time to enter the twenty first century. 

Job, Career, Calling

Job, career, calling. 

Elle Luna in her book, The Crossroads of Should and Must writes about the differences between a job, a career and a calling. 

She defines them as:

Job-“Something typically done from 9-5for pay.

Career-“A system of advancements and promotions over time where rewards are used to optimize behavior.”

Calling- “Something that we feel compelled to do regardless of fame or fortune; the work is the reward.”

As I considered the three I wanted to automatically think that a job was the worst and a calling was the best. Except my judgement was off base because a job might be the best way to further a calling.  

If your job does not leave you exhausted and mentally spent at the end of the day, but still pays the bills, then you may have time to do what you really love. So a job might not be so bad after all. 

A career on the other hand, might leave you with a sense of accomplishment, and accolades, but in the long run might get in the way of the thing you really want to do. My generation of women were pressed to have a career even at the expense of our future children. 

I used to refer to my thirty-one years in education as my career, but in reevaluating this I now know it was a calling. It actually began as a job, as a way to secure my future and pay my bills. I had not been one of those young girls who played school and dreamed of being a teacher.  

But over time it morphed into a calling. However, not in the usual sense of many of my co-workers whose heart drew them into the profession. I found myself drawn to the creativity involved in teaching, and the desire to motivate and encourage. Although, some years were difficult my love for the classroom and my students was real. 

As I think back on the time I was in the classroom more than anything I had the freedom to do the work I was compelled to do. Although, compared to other professions the monetary gain was less, but I really can’t imagine having done anything else. 

When teaching moved from being a calling to being a career I knew it was time to retire. Today I find my calling to be writing. It is something I am compelled to do, and it in itself is the reward. 

So as you contemplate your own life don’t be too quick to judge which path is the best, and don’t discount that a calling must require a paycheck. 

It’s Monday

It’s Monday. 

The other morning just before Chuck left for work he asked what my plans were for the day. I replied, “It’s Monday. I’m going grocery shopping.”

Later that morning as I was walking at the gym, I was listening to an interview with Elle Luna, author of The Crossroads of Should and Must. She talked about a point in her life when she had quit her job, and had nothing but time on her hands. As a retiree I could relate. 

But what she said next stopped me in my figurative tracks . She asked if what she was doing with her time was how she really wanted to be spending her time? I couldn’t help but think about my answer that morning to Chuck’s question.

It’s not that grocery shopping isn’t important, because of course you have to eat, but if shopping at Walmart was the highlight of my day then something must be seriously wrong. 

When given the gift of time it can’t be something that is taken for granted. Assuming that tomorrow or the next day is a given, allows you to let days, weeks, months or even years go by without doing the things that you dreamed you would, but never got around to. 

So as I considered my day, I put grocery shopping back into perspective, and along with the obligations of the day I vowed to make Monday more than just grocery day. 

Should or Must?

Should or must?

I took a little field trip the other day to Interabang Books in Dallas. I had been wanting to check it out for a while, and decided to make the trek, although to be honest with my new location, it really wasn’t that far.

I happened upon a intriguing little book entitled, The Crossroads of Should and Must-Find and Follow Your Passion, by Elle Luna. I’m noticing that lately I’m drawn to books that are actually pieces of art in themselves. This book is full of delightful illustrations along with inspirational text.  

One thought that really gave me pause was:

“It is here, standing at the crossroads of Should and Must, that we feel the enormous reality of our fears, and this is the moment when many of us decide against following our intuition, turning away from that place where nothing is guaranteed, nothing is known, and everything is possible.”

Wow!

Where are you standing?