Failure

I was listening to a podcast about the power of consistency which led to the mention of the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. As is often my practice I like to check out the reviews for books, and get a sense about whether I might want to read the book myself. 

Interestingly there seemed to be two directions that the readers took in reviewing the book. Several people did mention that the book was life changing for them. Many people focused on the idea of small steps and consistency, and I would like to address that idea in a future post. 

However one reader, James Rutter, really emphasized the idea of failure, and how it can motivate or deter individuals. For him the following quote by John Burroughs gave him a whole new perspective, and allowed him to make positive changes in his life. 

“A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.”

I began to think about my own views about failure, and why it had such a negative connotation in my life? I’ve never liked failing, and have pretty much done everything I can do to avoid it.

 

As I reflected on my childhood most of my failures seemed to revolve around misbehavior. Getting in trouble for disobedience was never a pleasant thing. Whether it was “the look” or a spanking most of the time I tried my best never to get in trouble. Having a younger sister close in age often resulted in sisterly squabbles that ended in punishment. 

When I started school, and began to be graded on my work, failing , or should I say not failing became priority one to me. Most subjects came fairly easily, although math and the metric system were a real challenge. Each time I received a grade I would judge myself to be a worthy or not depending on the grade. 

Over time I began to notice that I rarely attempted things that I was not naturally good at. Things like sports, singing, and drawing all took a back seat so there would be no failure involved. 

Even things I was relatively good at , and liked were limited primarily to what I knew. Venturing out in the culinary world took a lot of reassurance from Rachel Ray that I could handle a large chef’s knife, but even now a bag of frozen shrimp has made its forever home in my freezer because I’m not really sure what to do with it. 

I did not grow up in a home that relished failure. Once I heard about a father who every night at the dinner table asked his children what they had failed at that day. This was not done to berate them, but rather a way to process lessons learned, and what the next step might be. 

I wish I didn’t feel so bad when I mess up. I seem to find that happening more and more as I march through my sixties. I find myself worrying about future cognitive decline, and seem to beat myself up for my failures. I have set such a high bar, and have failed to acknowledge the unrealistic expectations I have set for myself. 

Our book reviewer James Rutter had this to say about what he gleaned about failure:

“I have failed many times…MANY times. You learn through failure. It’s a part of life. You show me someone who has never failed and I will show you someone who has never been successful. You reach success by failing. Although I have failed many times I am NOT a failure. I will never be one and therefore I will never blame somebody else for my circumstances.”

The word failure seems so harsh, although in reading it’s actual definition it seemed rather benign. What if we all really are failures just due to our human nature, but it is okay because we are not expected to get it “right” every time. Failing is just a part of life, like breathing and laughing. We all fail, but generally pick ourselves back up, dust off the dirt on our pant legs and either run home crying or get back on that bike and try again. 

I’m not going to be so worried about failure, and when I do fail, because it’s inevitable, I’ll just keep on moving forward using the lessons learned to make things easier or better in the future. 

Who knows, maybe that package of shrimp might be on its way out of the freezer sooner then I thought! By the way any frozen shrimp tips would be appreciated.