Avoidance

Avoidance. 

In my confession the other day about avoiding setting up my Fitbit, I came across a timely book written by Andy Molinsky entitled, Reach. In it he writes about our built-in natural inclination to avoid situations that might cause us discomfort. It was good to know that I wasn't completely off base when it came to my avoidance tendencies. However, he then pointed out that this natural instinct was really intended to come in handy in case of lion or bear attacks, something I can't say I've come across lately. 

He points out that by avoiding these unpleasant tasks, "...we get the temporary relief from anxiety and fear, but we limit real opportunities that put us outside our comfort zones but could also be compelling and meaningful-such as developing new skills."

He then proceeds to divide this inclination into several different categories. The first being "Full-On Avoidance" which I find to be my personal favorite. This is especially true if it comes to some sort of confrontation with a person who matters to me. I will avoid this at all cost knowing full well that it will enevitably make the situation worse. Instead of confronting it head on I prefer to just feel anxious about it. 

His second avoidance trap is "Do the Task, but Only Partway-and Not So Well." Yep, I've been guilty of this one, too. By never really going full-in you don't have to take the risk of putting the soft underbelly of yourself out for review. You can always take solace in the fact that because you didn't give it your all any criticism received is only half as bad. Can you imagine what it would be like to be rejected for your "best" effort?  For me my half-way attempts are often good enough, and sometimes actually praise worthy. It's kind of like conveniently spraining your ankle the day begins cheerleader try-outs. Not that it happened to me, but I do remember one anxious soul who claimed this misfortune. 

His third tactic is "Procrastination,"or as I like to call it, my middle name. Procrastinating is a great way of never having to follow through. Years ago I was given the task of having to make sure the PTA yearbook got printed and assembled. I had no idea what I was doing, and asking for help would have only pointed out my inadequacies, so I purposely kept putting it off until we missed the deadline. Obviously it wasn't my proudest moment. 

His fourth example, "Passing the Buck" is one thank goodness I can't claim as my own. Maybe there is help after all? Passing the buck is a convenient way of not having to take responsibility. Either way it also is a great way to avoid something you are unsure about. Just like Molinsky states the reward of choosing one of these avoidance tactics is, "You don't have  to do the stressful task!" The pay-off is immediate!

Of course, living with the anxiety and fear can't be much better. The next time you encounter a lion the best advice I can give is probably to run, but when it comes to the rest of life it's better to acknowledge your default switch. Sometimes just being aware helps us to navigate those pesky avoidance traps.