Growth

“...allow ourselves to look at different experiences and phases of our life as growth opportunities.”

Magnolia Journal Fall 2021

I’m in a period of growth right now. Sadly some of that may have to do with my waistline, but that’s not what I’m talking about today. 

I’m in a season of transition, and I’m trying to find my way. Living between two places is not as wonderful as I thought. In my mind I would be returning to an old life that I loved, and would be embracing a new life as well. 

You know the best of both worlds, except that’s not exactly happening. I’m longing for the the new life exclusively. 

I remember how much I loved my life at the apartments. It felt interesting, and counter-cultural, and I soaked it up. Of course, because it was home, a place filled with all my favorite things, that made all the difference. 

This new apartment feels a little more like a hotel. But there is season for this place, and a reason for me to be here. 

To be honest, having to work around Cooper’s anxiety has definitely placed a damper on my being here. Because I cannot leave on a whim I have to coordinate my next move. Can I take him with me? Should I leave him with Brittany? Am I imposing? Gosh, I sure miss him when he’s not here. 

Maybe that’s where I am today. I’m feeling an uneasiness in my soul, kind of like an undercurrent of anxiety that I’m barely aware is there. 

I’m ready to settle in, ready to embrace both lives, ready to incorporate creativity, and art, and imagination back into my life. 

So what are my growth opportunities here? Maybe I need to stop going through the motions of life, stop looking at life as a big to do list waiting to be checked off. Maybe I need to stop trying to logistically figure everything out. 

I’m afraid between that and the hot flashes as I transition off of hormones my sleep is being effected. My mind is running constantly as I try to figure out the absolute craziness of the world we live in today, which I’m pretty sure is an impossible task. 

I’m ready to step away for awhile, and enjoy the coolness of autumn. I’m ready to drink in the beauty of our property, and the solace of the lake nearby. I’m resisting any growth that could from this opportunity trying to make my old life fit into my new one.