When Approval Becomes Air

When approval becomes air.

When something is such a part of your life, and has been for as long as you can remember you often times don't realize that it is even there. 

That's kind of how approval is to me. I learned at a young age that not getting in trouble made life so much easier. In learning this I became highly skilled at doing the right thing, and gaining the approval of both my parents and teachers. Add to this the expectations of my childhood religion, and you had a perfect storm for approval. 

As I entered my adolescence, and young adult years the approval of my peers, and the opposite sex seemed to be all consuming. In the process I found myself doing what many INFJ's do, and shape shifting my personality to those whose company I happened to be keeping at the time. 

This need for approval, or should I say this desire to never face disapproval has set a course over the years for me. Even this blog has found me hesitant to push publish for fear of disapproval. With this mindset it seems its only value was based on the number of readers that day. 

As I've become more aware of this trait, and its consequences, I am finding myself stepping a toe into the water of disapproval. Although, on one level it produces some discomfort, it also feels a little freeing. 

It will be interesting to see where this discovery leads.