The People Pleaser

The People Pleaser 

In my blog I last week I wrote about Ruth Soukup and her book, Do It Scared where she identifies seven fear archetypes. After taking the online assessment, not surprisingly, mine came out as The People Pleaser. Although, I did see a lot of myself in both The Procrastinator and The Rule Follower. 

Kind of a fear trifecta all based around, “When you’re most afraid of what other people will think.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hesitated when getting ready to press that publish button wondering how my posting will be received?

Soukup writes that the The People Pleaser is, “Naturally drawn to seek the approval of others, and struggles most with the fear of being judged, which also manifests itself as the fear of letting people down, and the fear of what other people might say.”

As you can well imagine this is a tough row to hoe for over six decades. In addition to just the uneasiness it might bring, Soukup adds that, “As a People Pleaser, you face the danger of allowing the thoughts, opinions, and needs of others to prevent you from pursuing your own dreams, passions and goals.”

Last week I addressed reframing as a way to view “mistakes” for The Procrastinator. The reframing she suggests for The People Pleaser involves changing the script that plays inside our head. This script says, “...others might not love or accept you if you don’t perform the way you think they want you to.”

The only way to make a headway here is to change that voice, and replace it with a more affirming one. Learning to accept that disagreement is okay will be that first step to meeting your fear head on. Learning to share your opinions without the fear of judgement will also be freeing. 

Of course, for a life long People Pleaser like me, this is easier said than done. However, I have found that I can be more aware of how I respond once I’ve figured out why I react the way I do. 

I’ll be sharing with you next time how these fears can stand in the way of achieving your goals and dreams, and how setting BIG goals is critical.