There For a Reason

There for a reason. 

Over the last two years I’ve had two individuals come into my life that have left me scratching my head as to why?

One began as a promising friendship, which quickly became completely one-sided, while the other literally broke my heart. 

At first I rationalized that meeting these two people had more to do with bad luck than anything else, but recently I came across something that made me feel differently. In a blog post written by Karen Salmansohn, 6 Reasons Why We Meet People For a Reason-Not by Accident, I have come to the conclusion that I needed to learn the lessons these two offered me. 

Sometimes we kid ourselves into thinking that only the good things are the meant to be things in our lives, when often times just the opposite is true. Sometimes we need to go through the hard times in order to come out the other side stronger and wiser. 

Sometimes, too, we need to learn the compassion required to understand all different types of people. If you are like me, sensitive to others’ opinions, sometimes you just have to learn that it’s not always all about you. 

Yes, you might suffer the consequences of someone else’s actions, but the reasons behind their actions may have nothing to do with you at all. 

So the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation wondering how and why you got there, maybe asking yourself, “What lesson is this person trying to teach me?” might be the better way to view your circumstances.

Salmansohn, also discusses five other categories of people we meet along the way, and how to better understand the role they might play in your life. If you are interested in learning more I’ve included the link below:

https://www.notsalmon.com/2013/03/14/we-dont-meet-people-by-accident-theyre-meant-to-cross-our-path-for-a-reason/

The Privilege of Growing Old

The privilege of growing old. 

My mother never experienced growing old. Her life was cut short at fifty, and she never saw her children grow to adulthood or spend time with her grandchildren. 

Her mother, my grandmother, on the other hand lived until her late nineties,
and advised me to, “Never grow old.” Not only did she meet her grandchildren, but her great grandchildren as well. 

My own view on aging has changed some over the last few years. I used to think that getting old had more to do with a chronological number, and perhaps a few wrinkles. It wasn’t until my Dad was moved to memory care that I began to understand that for many growing old was almost like coming full circle. 

The independence of youth, something never questioned, begins to fade away resulting in an almost childlike state for some. Of course, there are still those lucky few who seem to escape some of the limitations associated with growing older. 

As I witnessed my Dad’s struggle with aging I began to reevaluate whether growing older was a good thing? It was then I began to think that maybe, somehow, I might be able to control the outcome of my aging.That perhaps through diet or exercise or learning new things I might be able to hold on to my youth for just a little bit longer. 

Recently, though, I learned about a gerontologist, Dr. Bill Thomas, who has embraced a new way of looking at aging. Rather than looking at it as something to fight against, he recommends embracing what he calls elderhood. If you live long enough, and many of us will, we will be faced with the challenges of our 
advancing age, however how we view that reality can make our final stage, elderhood, something not to dread. 

I think what was making me sad was that I was wasting valuable time today worrying about what might happen in my future, as if I really had any control over it. If eventually you find yourself relying more on the help of others is that actually so bad? It just may be the circle of life. 

One of Dr. Thomas’ beliefs is that by changing the environment we can change the quality of life for our seniors. He has advocated bringing animals, plants, and children into the lives of the older generation. He has found the quality of life for seniors to greatly improve when these are added to their lives.  Medications have been decreased, and wheelchairs have been discarded when our oldest citizens are living richer lives influenced by animals, plants and children. 

Of course, who knows what the future will bring, but for now I’m going to appreciate each age and stage as much as possible. I will accept that my eyesight isn’t as great, that my knees don’t quite work like they used to, and that my memory won’t be winning any competitions. 

However, I feel comfortable in my skin at this age. I’m loving being a grandmother, I’m reconnecting with old friends, and I am enjoying the freedom of retirement after many years of work. 

Aging is not for the faint of heart they say, but as Earl Warren reminds us, “Don’t complain about growing old, many people do not have that privilege.”

I’m including a link to Dr. Thomas’ website if you are interested in learning more. 

https://drbillthomas.org

Reunion

Reunion.

A reunion is “a social gathering attended by members of a certain group of people who have not seen each other for some time.”

This year will be my forty-fifth high school reunion. How is that even possible?  I remember attending my ten year reunion, and hoping that although I wasn’t married yet, my two college degrees might be enough clout to prove I’d made it. That first reunion was all about milestones and accomplishments. 

Fast forward twenty years to the thirtieth reunion, and I don’t think anyone even mentioned their accomplishments. We were too busy trying to read each other’s name tags without the use of reading glasses when they dimmed the lights. 

Everyone really seemed to enjoy getting to catch up bragging about children and even a few grandchildren. It was a lot of fun. One classmate even shared that he had liked me back in jr. high. I thanked him for confirming that my view of myself back then might have been wrong. 

Our next reunion was the fortieth, and it included our favorite high school teacher, who to be honest, looked exactly our age. I even had the opportunity to catch up with my best friend from my neighborhood as our paths had not crossed in years. One friend shared an old “note” (the precursor to texting) from our jr. high days that made my night. 

Again everyone seemed to be having a great time. This year will be our forty-fifth, and I’m going into it with a new strategy. Rather than park myself at a table with friends I still see on a regular basis, I’m going to make a point to go around, and touch base with some new high school friends. 

Due to the wonders of Face Book I have been able to reconnect with many of my high school classmates that I didn’t know very well while in school. What I love about our class is we are always there to offer support and encouragement to each other. 

The other reality is that we are not getting any younger, and we really don’t know who will still be here for our fiftieth reunion. If you are hesitant to attend for any reason I sure hope you might reconsider. I always thought our class of 1974 was pretty special, and just like our musical reminded us that year:

“Don’t let it be forgot

That once there was a spot

For one brief shining moment that was known

As Camelot.”

Hope to see each and everyone of you at this year’s reunion.  

Comparison

Comparison. 

I’ve found myself trying to write this post several times over the last few days, however without much luck. It has been on my mind, but at the same time I’ve found it difficult to write about because it doesn’t really cast me in the best light.

Merriam-Webster defines to compare as: “to examine the character of qualities especially in order to discover resemblances or differences; to view in relation to.”

Is it in our human nature to compare? Throughout my life I have found myself viewing others in relation to myself. This weighing out of others works something like a balance scale. 

Sometimes I come out on top and sometimes I don’t. This attempt to somehow see where I fit  has left me feeling less than, and sometimes unfortunately better than. 

It may be natural to observe differences or similarities, but using them as a judgement tool does not seem right to me, although I have been guilty of doing so. So often the things we choose to compare are actually things we have no control over. Wishing to have brown eyes when you have blue is futile. 

I found myself the other day comparing myself to a woman close to my age at the gym. I couldn’t help but notice that she was especially fit and trim. Rather than rejoicing in her good fortune I found myself lacking. Each time she passed me on the track I found myself feeling less than joyful. 

In thinking about it the next day I realized that spending my time comparing myself to her took away from the enjoyment I usually get while walking and listening to podcasts. It really bothered me that at my age I still would fall into the comparison trap. 

Theodore Roosevelt remarked, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I was literally enjoying myself less because I didn’t feel I measured up. It really bothered me that I reacted this way. 

I felt a little ashamed that I was still doing this at sixty-two. After all I’m long past my teenaged years where this seemed to be my everyday struggle. 

I’m learning that each experience is a lesson to be learned if I’m willing to learn it. I don’t want to allow comparison to get in the way of how I feel about myself or others. So this student of life will return to the gym with a new attitude. 

Being Disliked

Being disliked. 

I came across a book the other day whose title caught my attention. The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. 

As I thought about being disliked it left me with an uncomfortable feeling. To be honest I would prefer to be liked. 

However, in thinking about it I realized that in some circumstances taking an unpopular stand is the right thing to do. Not speaking out or standing up for someone else might be the safer, easier thing to do, but not the honorable thing to do. 

Remember having courage does not mean that you are not afraid. Rather, courage is taking action in spite of that fear. 

I suppose it is our human nature and our need to belong that drives us to not rock the boat. Rejection can leave us isolated from the safety of the herd, and leave us feeling hurt and abandoned. It is not a pleasant emotion. 

Going around purposely not caring what others think, challenging the displeasure of others, is probably not a very satisfying way to live in the long run, because we all need friends in our corner. 

However, the next time you feel compelled to speak out, but are afraid,  try to muster up the courage to share your thoughts. They might just be what someone else needs to hear. 

Lifelong Learning

Lifelong learning. 

“It is called lifelong learning and actually you can't get through life without it. If you've bought a new piece of technology, even an instapot or air fryer, you know something now that you didn't know a year ago. Continue to learn and learn intentionally.”

Kathleen Whitson

My high school speech teacher “Miss Krebbs” shared this comment the other day on Face Book. I loved the way she included something as simple as a new cooking appliance in the realm of lifelong learning. 

I think sometimes when we think about continuing our education we automatically think we need to return to the classroom. Although, for some this may be the right thing, for many of us it really isn’t an option. 

It’s here that we need to broaden our definition of lifelong learning. Each time we are exposed to something we didn’t know before we are learners. Each time we watch a movie or read a book about a time in history that was unfamiliar to us we are learners. If we visit a museum or a presidential library we are learners. 

Each trip to the zoo exposes us to something we may not have known before. With smart phones and tablets at our disposal we can always learn more about anything. Each time we step out the door for a walk we can plug into a podcast that can broaden our horizons. 

Trying a new recipe, experimenting with a new craft, and listening to a new style of music are just a few ways that our education continues. Allowing ourselves to be a beginner again, with all the ups and downs that come with learning something new, will reiterate the value of lifelong learning. 

I find myself judging my happiness often times in terms of how interesting my life is at that moment. Being a lifelong learner always keeps me interested. 

Before You Knew You Couldn’t

Before you knew you couldn’t. 

I’ve often read when determining your authentic self you should remember back to when you were ten years old. Think about what you liked to do and how you viewed the world. 

When asked what you wanted to be when you grew up it was often a combination of something like veterinarian and ballerina. Because you did not have the limitations of knowing better the world was your oyster, and you never once considered that you might not be able to accomplish something. For you it was all just a matter of getting old enough to do so. 

Of course, we all know that our childhood invincibility begins to take a hit right around adolescence. We begin to see ourselves in a different light, and place way too much importance in what others think. 

Just this week I had the pleasure of learning about an organization that was created by a group of children along with some guidance from their wonderful teacher. These fifth graders from Prosper, Tx. saw a need and actually did something about it. 

After learning from their teacher, the need for schooling and help for the children of Ghana, they started their own non-profit organization called Kids Prosper Kids. They quickly within weeks raised $20,000 to go towards building a school over six thousand miles away. 

Their enthusiasm continued as they set their sights on the next school. Some of the children traveled with their teacher to Ghana to see first hand how their efforts were making a difference in the lives of other children. 

Although, these generous students are from the town of Prosper it is not just a Prosper thing. In fact to prosper means to bless others. Their motto, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away,” challenges all of us to find where we can make a difference. 

This special teacher with a heart of gold, Kimberly Brackett, has actually taken a year long hiatus to work for this organization at no pay in order to bring to life the goal of a new technical/trade school in Ghana aptly named the Prosper Life International School. 

I was able to hear Mrs. Brackett speak at my retired teachers meeting (FARSP) this week, and loved hearing about her passion for others, and especially the children of Ghana. She reminded us, “The only reason we are blessed is so we can bless others.” 

If you are interested in learning more or possibly supporting this great cause you can find out additional information at:

www.kidsprosperkids.org

He’s My Brother

He’s my brother. 

My youngest grandson just turned one, and he’s beginning to enter big boy territory. Up until now he has pretty much been relegated to watching his Dad and older brother from the comfort of his mother’s arms. 

Lately though, he’s getting a chance to join the fun. Our oldest grandson was the recipient of a kid-sized John Deere Gator for his third birthday. Remarkably he pretty much drove it with the precision of a much older kid from the very beginning. Now he has become quite adept at driving with one hand while holding on tightly to his younger brother.

The little one sits quite still with a big grin on his face as his big brother maneuvers his way through the pasture. It certainly melts this Mimi’s heart to see the two brothers getting along so well, and the little one couldn’t be happier. 

Recently, my daughter sent a photo of the two of them sitting proudly on their horse, Lilly. The older one had his signature smile all the while cradling his brother protectively in his arms. Little brother’s smile said it all. 

He seemed to instinctively know that he was in good hands with his brother, and didn’t have any plans to abandon ship. Now that he’s getting older, and able to interact with his older brother they seem to be getting along quite well. 

Now there has been some growing pains along the way, but I know there are plenty of adventures up ahead for these two.

Photo credit to my daughter.