Afternoons

Afternoons. 

Recently I found myself contemplating how I spend my afternoons. Since I’m retired I don’t have a strict schedule to follow, and to be honest that’s one of the things I really like about retirement. 

However, not having a schedule often times doesn’t work out too well for me, and I find I do better with some sort of structure to my days. 

As I thought about how I want to spend my free time, I’ve decided I want to be a little more intentional about what I choose to do. Of course, remaining flexible isn’t a bad idea because some days you want to just kick back and relax.

I try to remind myself that time is the one resource I can never get back, so being a good steward of the time is something I aspire to. 

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
Annie Dillard 

What’s Really Important

What’s really important. 

I’ve always been pretty amazed at school bus drivers, and know for a fact that I could never do their job. It’s not that I couldn’t actually learn to drive a bus, because I think I could. It’s the responsibility of insuring that the precious cargo on board gets to where they are going safely that holds me back. 

At heart I’m cautious by nature, and the bravery needed to drive a school bus doesn’t seem to be in my nature. The other day I learned about a school bus driver in Dallas who is making a difference in the lives of the children who are passengers on his bus each day. 

Curtis Jenkin’s  job in the eyes of the world may not seem as important as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or a Supreme Court Justice, or even a brain surgeon, however, I think his job is equally if not more important. 

What Curtis has done is take an important responsibility, and has elevated it even more by reaching out to the individual children he transports. He has gone the extra mile to instil character and kindness in each one. His daily interaction helps to motivate them as they step off his bus getting ready to take on the demands of their day. 

As they interviewed children who rode his bus, one young man relayed that Curtis was the father he wished he had. Another one of his riders, a budding young writer, displayed the custom t-shirt that John has given her bearing the actual book she had written. 

Curtis’ smile, kind words, and encouragement had created a family of bus riders who did not spend their time together bullying and harassing. Rather, they had learned to care for each other as valuable members of their school community. I’m sure this carried on into their classroom as well. 

Sometimes we think that our role in society is not important enough to even be considered as having value. Curtis has proved this not to be true. We are capable of elevating whatever we do to a higher level when we reach out with kindness and enthusiasm. 

I’d like to dedicate this posting to Sally Beahm, Ricky Beeler, and Fred Clifton, three other bus drivers who made a difference in the lives of children they cared for. 

“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love.”

Mother Teresa

Procrastination

Procrastination.

“It’s not procrastination if I have no intention of ever doing it.”

Moms Got Ink

I was listening to Dr. Laura the other day when a woman called in to get some advice about procrastination. At one point the caller made the statement that she thought she was capable of doing anything she put her mind to. 

That seems to be a pretty common mantra in our modern day, and one that many people buy in to. There is only one problem, though, it probably isn’t true. Dr. Laura was quick to point out that no matter how hard she tried Dr. Laura was not ever going to be a gifted physicist. She just did not have the math aptitude to do so. 

The caller had to admit that the reason she was probably procrastinating about doing her academic assignments was that she had chosen a subject too challenging for her. As much as she thought she wanted to pursue a career in nursing, she needed to be more honest about not only her ability, but if she really had the true desire to follow through. 

It got me to thinking about procrastination, and how it applied to my life. The things I find myself procrastinating about are often things that I tell myself I should be interested in doing. However, in my heart of hearts I know I really don’t want to do them. 

Remarkably, when it comes to things that I have a true interest and aptitude for, I’m willing to put in the hard work without procrastinating. Now I do realize that sometimes you just have to muster up the self-discipline to meet obligations even though they may not be your favorite thing to do. I guess that’s all part of being an adult. 

As I considered some of the projects that have been simmering on the back burner, I suddenly had one of those aha moments in understanding why I had been procrastinating. At their core they really weren’t something I really wanted to do. I had kind of talked myself into them, thinking that they might just be the next logical step. 

If you find yourself procrastinating it might be time to take a second look at a possible reason why. I know for me I’m going to be more aware of what I do, and what I find myself not doing. 

“You can chose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.”

Gretchen Rubin

Retirement

Retirement. 

Shockingly, it will be ten years this June since I retired from teaching. What scares me a little is how quickly these last ten years have flown by. Even more so, I can’t quite wrap my brain around the idea that in ten more years I’ll be seventy-three. 

This week I have the privilege of attending two retirement receptions for former co-workers of mine. What makes this even more special is the caliber of these two teachers. Not only in their giftedness as educators, but in their character as well. 

As I thought about my over thirty years in education, I realized how blessed I was to work with so many wonderful people. I also feel blessed to have taught during a simpler time in education. It seemed that, although, we might have had some challenging years, there was always time for fun and fellowship. 

As I think about these two I have very distinct memories of both. Laverne has the gift of bringing out the very best in each child she taught. As an art teacher she sowed the seeds of creativity, and appreciation for the arts. Year after year the quality of artwork produced was exceptional. Open house was like a gallery showing at a renowned art gallery. She always put in the extra time to make sure each child’s artwork was presented in its best light. She will be sorely missed, as she definitely is one in a million. 

I had the pleasure of teaching first grade with Jackie back when Frisco was quite small. She had such a heart for young children, and her patience and love seemed to bubble forth each time she expertly guided the youngest of learners. To be honest, I was struggling that year with a challenging class, and was just hoping to make it through the day. If you teach long enough, you have a few of those years. Jackie’s optimistic nature helped me to look past my own struggles, to find the good in each child. Over her career she has mentored many beginning teachers, and I know they have gone on to be better teachers because of her. 

I take great pride in knowing these two women, and the many others who have, and continue to make a difference in the lives of children. I wish them both a wonderful retirement as they turn the pages in a new chapter of their life. 

Blast From the Past

Blast from the past. 

The other day, while in line at Walmart, I noticed a Zero bar in the check out line. I suddenly had a blast from the past as I remembered its significance to my childhood. 

When I was about ten years old my family lived in Florida, and we belonged to our neighborhood pool. Because of the warmer weather I remember spending hours each day there during the spring and summer. Now I also remember that the pool had a concession stand which required money I did not have. 

Each day we would return home for lunch, and because there were five children in the family we never returned change in hand. However, lucky for me the pool had a policy that worked to both our advantage. If you were willing to work, they would give you a small wash cloth, and a tiny bar of soap. Your job was to scrub the decorative tile that lined the side of the pool. 

Now mind you, this was an Olympic-sized pool, and required quite a bit of time to make your way around the perimeter all the while scrubbing away. Your reward for the task would be a dime. After turning in your washcloth, and any scrap of soap left you could make your way to the concession stand to redeem your prize. 

For me it was always the same thing-a frozen Zero bar. So I guess if you were to ask me what my first job was I’d have to say pool scrubber. I’m beginning to wonder if the neighborhood pool owners were breaking some sort of child labor law? 

What I do know for sure is I found it to be a pretty fair trade for a bit of my time, and some elbow grease. I really can’t tell you what a Zero bar tastes like today, as it been decades since I’ve tried one. However, that frozen delight from my youthsure seemed worth it. 

What We See

What we see.

A couple of weeks ago my daughter’s family traveled to Greenville, South Carolina to celebrate a special birthday for Will’s aunt. While they were there they decided to make it into a family vacation with Will’s parents. 

Along with a trip to the zoo, they toured the lovey area, and took some pretty stunning pictures. I’ve never been to Greenville before, but it did peak my interest, and may be on my list of places to visit. 

It wasn’t long after that that Will’s parents made their own trip to Texas. We got to see them this weekend as we celebrated Mother’s Day together. 

While there, Will’s dad was scrolling through pictures of the recent trip with the oldest grandson, and happened upon a beautiful photo of water cascading over some large rocks. It looked like it could have been a cover photo for a magazine. 

He stopped to show it to our grandson, whose eyes became as wide as saucers, as he responded,

“Oh gosh! Look at that big old crane!!!”

Sure enough, far off in the distance almost invisible to the naked eye was a construction crane. Who cared about the breathtaking wonder of nature when the really important part of the picture was what laid behind the obvious focal point. 

Or perhaps I should say that the big old crane was blocked by the stunning water feature. You see sometimes what WE see isn’t what someone else does. That focal point isn’t always a given. 

When the story was shared this weekend, and the picture viewed again from the perspective of a three year old boy, we found ourselves laughing out loud. I’ve included the photo of the “big old crane” up above. 

These little ones sure are a blessing!

Another Look at Decluttering

Another look at decluttering. 

Blogger Barrie Davenport of Live Bold and Bloom writes about how decluttering can help you age gracefully. Now at first glance when you think about decluttering what comes to mind? Probably a closet full of stuff that you no longer want or need. 

Except Davenport takes decluttering a step further. “Purge your life of things, habits,and attitudes that weigh you down.”

Now I’ve done a pretty good job of decluttering the stuff in my life, and although it’s not always easy, it is freeing. The challenge though, is to not bring more stuff back in. I must say that my weakness is books, and I always seem to justify owning another one. 

However, what I find more intriguing about Davenport’s post is the decluttering of old habits that aren’t really helping you. Sometimes we do things a certain way only because we always have. As my eating habits have changed over time I find my grocery list looking very different than it used to.  

By shedding these old unhealthy habits I feel much better, and my clothes seem to fit year round. Getting up and walking first thing at the gym has replaced the habit of laying in bed checking out Face Book. Instead of time just slipping through my fingers, I now listen to a favorite podcast, and get in some activity for the day. 

Even more important is purging some of those limiting beliefs that you have been carrying around for years. As I reached my fifties I found myself becoming much more comfortable in my skin, even though that skin wasn’t quite as recognizable as before. Our attitudes can be like our habits when we simply hold on to them out of familiarity. It might make better sense to reevaluate them. 

Don’t limit the parameters of decluttering. Take it a step further, and challenge yourself to declutter not only your stuff, but habits and attitudes that no longer serve you. 

Eustress

Eustress.

Stress gets a bad rap these days. Did you know that there are actually two types of stress? While reading The Road to Happiness is Always Under Construction by K. Jeffrey Miller,  I learned that what we usually think of as stress is called distress. 

Remarkably, there actually is a good type of stress that contributes to our happiness. Eustress  according to Miller is, “...stress that causes the body and mind to respond by becoming stronger.” He sites things like “exercise, studying, and goal setting” as examples of eustress. This eustress results in “improvements and advancements.”

I remember once attending a health fair at Market Hall in my mid-twenties. My life at that time had become pretty stagnant. I was teaching, and had recently finished graduate school. My best friend, and roommate was involved in a serious relationship, and I was finding myself with a lot of time on my hands. 

To be honest, my life had fallen into a sort of malaise as I wondered if my dream of being a wife and mother was ever going to happen? Rather than challenge myself to meet new people or try something new I went through my days on an autopilot of sorts. 

In fact, the reason I had attended the health fair in the first place was just an attempt to get out of my apartment, and do something on a Sunday afternoon. While I was there I took a stress test which basically revolved around answering a series of questions. 

Much to my surprise the results showed that I did not have enough stress in my life. Of course, at the time I had never heard of the term eustress, but thinking back, I’m sure that was the problem. 

I may not have had an incredible amount of distress in my life, but I certainly was lacking in the eustress department. I remember making a few changes after that. It wouldn’t be too much longer that that I ended up moving to my own apartment, joined an exercise class, and began studying photography. 

My life did become more interesting, and it wasn’t long after that that I met my future husband, and my dream of a family of my own became a reality. Today as a retiree I love the stress free life I live, but I always need to challenge myself to keep some eustress in my life. 

Studies have shown that social connections are critical for good health in the senior population. As a more introverted person by nature I am content to spend quite a bit of time alone. However, I do push myself to include social activities throughout the week, as I also enjoy the company of others. 

Finding that balance between distress and eustress is an important part of living a happier life. 

Stopping

Stopping. 

When we are faced with a problem our first inclination often times is to come up with something to do to make things bettter. More times than not we try to come up with a new action. 

What if you changed your thinking to consider what you could stop doing?  A few weeks back I wrote about my struggle to maintain my weight loss.  After almost a year of fluctuating weigh ins I had to admit that what I was doing was not working. 

It was then that I remembered something I had read about habits from Gretchen Rubin. When given the choice between abstaining and moderating, I knew that abstaining had always worked better for me. 

It was then that I made the decision to stop mindless snacking. With this parameter in place I have been very successful in meeting my goal weight almost effortlessly. By stopping an action rather than looking for snack alternatives, or allowing myself a cheat day, or using extra weekly points to cover the price of the mindless snacks, I found what worked for me. 

If you are trying to solve a problem look for little things you can stop doing. If you work better in moderation then slowly make arrangements to end a behavior that you find to be counterproductive.

However, if you are like me stopping cold turkey will probably work better. Perhaps the lesson learned is don’t be so quick to go about trying to solve a problem the same way you always have, and don’t forget to consider stopping something. 

“What do I need to stop doing in order to have things be more the way I want them to be?”

Bill O’Hanlon

The Change Your Life Book

Changing Your Perspective

Changing your perspective.

I’ve recently written about changing the words you use to help you gain a better understanding of your circumstances. I’ve also written about using a list as a strategy to generate more possible solutions to a problem. 

Today I’m writing about changing your perspective. We’ve all heard the adage about wearing someone else’s shoes. Basically, this is a reminder to try to look at something from another’s point of view. 

Bill O’Hanlon in The Change Your Life Book, offers another value of perspective. When you are struggling to make a decision about a problem in your life think about how someone else might go about solving it. 

If you have a tendency to be more pessimistic, O’Hanlon suggests thinking about, “the most optimistic person you know.”  How would that person approach the problem?  Would following their lead work out better for you, and give you a different perspective?

I can’t help but be reminded of the What Would Jesus Do craze of the nineties. Many a young person wore the letters WWJD on a bracelet around their wrist as a way to stop, and think about their actions. 

O’Hanlon also recommended thinking about, “the most effective problem-solver you know.”  The reality often is that some people just seem to have a knack for solving problems. How might they approach the situation? 

His final idea had to do with how you would, “view the situation” in the future. Ask yourself what if I were making this decision five, ten or even twenty years from now? This really hit home for me as I thought about the fleeting nature of time, and how what I am capable of doing today, might not even be possible in the future. 

What is something you are struggling with? Perhaps it’s time for a change of perspective?

The List

The list. 

Have you ever been stuck not knowing what to do next? Sometimes we think we only have one choice or another. This is actually not true, and is what is called a “false choice.”

If you are trying to solve a problem you might want to use the advice of Bill O’Hanlon, the author of The Change Your Life Book. 

Hanlon recommends making a list of all possibilities you can come up with. If you need more ideas check with a trusted friend or family member.

Hanlon himself was struggling to find a job when he decided to make a list of all the things he had not yet tried.By the time he got to the third idea he had a job. 

Sometimes we think we’ve done it all, when in actuality we have barely scratched the surface. There is something about writing it down that seems to help put ideas into action. 

In the classroom one of the strategies we used was brainstorming. The rule behind this was not to judge the ideas as you penned them. Rather you were to continue jotting down ideas as they flowed, and later take the time to judge whether they were feasible or not. 

Sometimes the most absurd ideas just need to be tweaked. They might be the springboard to solving your dilemma. 

Think about something you’ve been struggling with lately, and start making your list. 

The Power of Words

The power of words. 

Choosing the right word might make all the difference in how you see the world, and what you accomplish. 

I’ve recently come across three examples of this. Just by substituting one word for another, it might help you to better understand a situation. 

And for But- An example of this for me would be:

“I’d like to eat a cookie, but doing so would cost me too many points.”

vs.

“I’d like to eat a cookie, and by doing so I will go over my daily points 
allowance.”

For me using “and” doesn’t give me so much of an out. I might be able to convince myself to use extra points for the cookie when I say “but,” however for some reason using “and” helps me to keep track of the bigger picture. 

Because for Despite-​this idea came from Gretchen Rubin. This might help you better understand why you might be struggling with something. 

“Despite reaching my goal weight, I continue to struggle with weight gain.”

vs.

“Because I reached my goal weight I continue to struggle with weight gain.”

What I learned from this is that I have difficulty with the “finish line” mentality. As much as you would think that reaching your goal weight would be all that was needed to maintain a loss, for me I can’t rest on the laurels of my win. I need to continue on the journey not looking for an end in sight, and seem to have more success this way. 

Will for Try-​this is an old Dr. Laura trick. She never accepts “I’ll try,” for an answer. Just like the word “but,” it seems to give you an out.

“I’ll try to lose weight.”

vs

I will lose weight.”

The second example using the word “will” seems much more empowering to me. Follow that with some specific actionable goals, and your chance of achieving weight loss has been magnified. 

Just changing the words you use might lead toward better understanding of yourself and others. If you catch yourself using “but,” “try” or “despite,”switch it up a little, and substitute “and,” “will,” and “because.”

Post Script- I thought I would switch it up a little in this post using different colors and sizes of font in hopes of making the text more easily read. It’s about killed me switching back and forth, and I’m glad I did so, I will do it again, because it pushed me out of my comfort zone.