Of Course

 About a year ago I began to learn more about the role of emotions in my life. Today I have a better understanding and I thought I might share what I have learned. 

I am giving credit to Dr. Eddie Wadsworth of the House of Joy podcast for what I have learned and put into practice. I can honestly say that, overall, I am more content in knowing these techniques. 

The first tool I recommended is a feelings wheel. This can be found online and it will help you to narrow down exactly what you are feeling. I have been guilty of categorizing my emotions as basically happy or sad. I’m either feeling good or bad. However, emotions are more nuanced than that. 

If you can find the correct word to really describe how you are feeling then you can move on to the next step. 

Once you have determined what you are feeling, like frustrated for example, you then say to yourself, “Of course, I’m feeling frustrated.” You say this with no judgement. You are just acknowledging your feelings. 

We have to get past the idea that there are good emotions and bad emotions. Actually, there are only emotions. These are God given for the purpose of educating you. 

Next allow the emotion to sit with you for a moment or longer, and then allow it to wash away like a wave in the ocean. A couple of deep breaths can aid in allowing this to happen. 

What I was guilty of was bringing that emotion immediately to my head where I would ruminate on it for hours or even days. What generally resulted was a lot of unhappiness and stress as I tried to figure out what to do next. 

By validating your feelings with the words, “Of course,” it allows you to stop beating yourself up. Instead of feeing bad for those perceived negative feelings you realize that you are no different from everyone else. 

Given the same set of experiences most people would feel the same way. It allows you to move on. 

Another realization was that I didn’t have to outsource my emotions based on the emotions of others. Just because someone else was feeling a certain way didn’t mean I had to join in. 

This alone was extremely freeing in realizing that I had control over what I did with the emotion I was feeling. 

Today I acknowledge my emotion, often checking in with my feelings wheel to make sure I’ve identified it correctly. I don’t ruminate on that emotion for an extended period of time. This has been a game changer.

Instead, I pay attention to the lesson it is trying to teach me. I also, don’t rush to exchange a so called negative emotion with a positive one. Recently, I pinpointed my emotion as dread. Several things had occurred in a short period of time, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint how I was feeling. 

In reflecting on what dread actually was (through a quick Google search) I was able to better understand why I was feeling that way, and to move on without too much trouble. It’s not that I completely brushed aside that feeling, but rather it didn’t hold a prominent place in my day to day life as it had been. 

Using the feelings wheel and the simple words, “Of course, you feel that way,” allowed me not to remain stuck in that emotion. I’m hoping these tools might be of benefit to you as well. 

Let me know what you think.