Of Course

 About a year ago I began to learn more about the role of emotions in my life. Today I have a better understanding and I thought I might share what I have learned. 

I am giving credit to Dr. Eddie Wadsworth of the House of Joy podcast for what I have learned and put into practice. I can honestly say that, overall, I am more content in knowing these techniques. 

The first tool I recommended is a feelings wheel. This can be found online and it will help you to narrow down exactly what you are feeling. I have been guilty of categorizing my emotions as basically happy or sad. I’m either feeling good or bad. However, emotions are more nuanced than that. 

If you can find the correct word to really describe how you are feeling then you can move on to the next step. 

Once you have determined what you are feeling, like frustrated for example, you then say to yourself, “Of course, I’m feeling frustrated.” You say this with no judgement. You are just acknowledging your feelings. 

We have to get past the idea that there are good emotions and bad emotions. Actually, there are only emotions. These are God given for the purpose of educating you. 

Next allow the emotion to sit with you for a moment or longer, and then allow it to wash away like a wave in the ocean. A couple of deep breaths can aid in allowing this to happen. 

What I was guilty of was bringing that emotion immediately to my head where I would ruminate on it for hours or even days. What generally resulted was a lot of unhappiness and stress as I tried to figure out what to do next. 

By validating your feelings with the words, “Of course,” it allows you to stop beating yourself up. Instead of feeing bad for those perceived negative feelings you realize that you are no different from everyone else. 

Given the same set of experiences most people would feel the same way. It allows you to move on. 

Another realization was that I didn’t have to outsource my emotions based on the emotions of others. Just because someone else was feeling a certain way didn’t mean I had to join in. 

This alone was extremely freeing in realizing that I had control over what I did with the emotion I was feeling. 

Today I acknowledge my emotion, often checking in with my feelings wheel to make sure I’ve identified it correctly. I don’t ruminate on that emotion for an extended period of time. This has been a game changer.

Instead, I pay attention to the lesson it is trying to teach me. I also, don’t rush to exchange a so called negative emotion with a positive one. Recently, I pinpointed my emotion as dread. Several things had occurred in a short period of time, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint how I was feeling. 

In reflecting on what dread actually was (through a quick Google search) I was able to better understand why I was feeling that way, and to move on without too much trouble. It’s not that I completely brushed aside that feeling, but rather it didn’t hold a prominent place in my day to day life as it had been. 

Using the feelings wheel and the simple words, “Of course, you feel that way,” allowed me not to remain stuck in that emotion. I’m hoping these tools might be of benefit to you as well. 

Let me know what you think. 

Your Brain

I learned something the other day about the brain that I found quite interesting. Apparently, through no fault of your own, your brain is naturally wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain and conserve energy. 

Now on many levels this makes sense. Think back to caveman days when conserving energy just might have saved your life. Because these traits are hardwired it can be challenging to rise above them. 

What I’ve discovered, though, is we have a tendency to be hard on ourselves whenever we fall short. In January many of us had lofty dreams of how this year was going to be different. Whatever bad habit we wanted to change almost seemed possible with the promise of the new year. 

However, according to my trusty AI Google source, “Most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by the second Friday in January.” This day is known as “Quitter’s Day.” Wow! After only ten days most of us have had enough. 

If we find the data about our brains to be true, it does makes perfect sense. If our resolution didn’t include pleasure, or resulted in pain or took too much energy then our brain has been fighting against us all along. 

Knowing this actually makes me feel a little better, though. It’s really not all my fault. And perhaps I need to remember the sign I keep on my dresser “Be Kind to Yourself.”

Now of course, this is not an excuse to just give up. Those resolutions were made for a reason, so they probably have some validity. 

What I have learned is that what works for one doesn’t work for another. I know that I am more of an abstainer than a moderator. I don’t do well with limiting myself to a little bit of something I like. If I want to stop eating candy, then I need to stop eating candy. 

Sometimes for me it’s just making it through one day without succumbing to my chocolate fix, and after that it’s really not that hard to say no. But making it through that one day is really a big deal for me. Ten days ago I made it through that one day of no chocolate, and today I don’t seem to be craving sugar. 

Now some people say, “There is no way I could do that!” For them they can control how often and the amount of something they enjoy by having it in moderation. In fact, the famous saying, All things in moderation,” is quite popular. 

But for me moderation is harder. Being an abstainer for me goes hand in hand with being an “all or nothing” kind of person. I’ve convinced myself I have to do it perfectly at the or I’m not going to do it at all.

Sadly, this is extremely unrealistic, and over the last few months I’ve tried a new tactic that seems to be working. The concept of small steps or Kaizen as the Japanese call it, is the idea of continuous improvement. 

In February I began taking a wellness class at my local hospital. We started learned more about the importance of activity in our lives as a way to help prevent chronic disease. 

I knew I needed to walk, but had not walked regularly in almost four years. No longer living in a neighborhood with sidewalks made daily walks a little more challenging.  I didn’t want to risk injury walking on an uneven surface at my new country home. 

I began committing to 15 minute of walking on the three days I watch my youngest grandson. Rather than sitting on the porch while he was riding his bike I began to walk around their circular driveway.

After a couple of weeks I decided to add the two other weekdays into the mix, and walk up and down my long front porch. So now I was up to five days of walking. 

Next, I knew it was time to walk a little longer so I increased my time to 30 minutes. Now to be honest, I was pretty shocked at how out of shape I was. Thirty minutes was actually a little bit of a challenge. My back would hurt, and I’d be dragging by the end. 

However, here it is April, and I am walking five days a week for 30 minutes at a time pretty effortlessly. I’ve also purchased a new Fitbit to keep track of my steps. 

I’m feeling pretty motivated to make this a regular part of my life. When I lived in Frisco, Las Colinas, and Euless I always walked regularly. I remember it was a lot easier to maintain my weight when I included physical activity in my day. 

What I do know is I am not getting any younger, and if I want to have quality of life as I approach a new decade about a year from now, I need to be more intentional about my habits. It can’t just be a resolution that goes to the wayside ten days later. 

I must admit having the support of my wellness group has motivated me to actually do something different. That might also be something to consider when figuring out what works best for you. 

Although, my brain may tell me one thing, I actually have control over what I think and what I choose to do. Learning a little bit more about how you do best can be a start to making some of the changes you have been considering.

Trying to make them all at once can be a little defeating at times, but small changes can add up over time. I used to not truly believe that, but I’m seeing it in action now. 

My next challenge is increasing my water intake. I’ve even purchased a 64 oz container that can be used to track how much water I need to drink. Although, water is my drink of choice it really is difficult for me to drink this much in a day. I’m thinking maybe I could get used to six 8 oz glasses a day,and work up from there. 

Let me know what you think, and what are some things that have worked for you in battling your brain’s natural inclinations. Just remember to be kind to yourself.

You Don’t See What You Don’t Look For

The other day on our community Facebook page it was announced that the town car wash had reopened. I didn’t even know we had a car wash, and asked where it was located. 

Apparently, it was behind the Dairy Queen. I had passed by the Dairy Queen hundreds of times since I moved here almost four years ago, and had never noticed the car wash. 

The next time I made my way to town I looked toward the Dairy Queen, and sure enough there was the car wash tucked behind. It had been there the whole time, but I had never looked for it. 

As I thought about it, I wondered how many other things I had missed out on simply by not looking? I consider myself a curious person, but I do know that I can fall into autopilot in my day to day life. 

For me it’s easier to shop at Walmart than H‑E‑B because I’m already familiar with Walmart. That being said, in an attempt to make some different food choices I intentionally shopped at H‑E‑B this last week. 

What I discovered was that I began looking at products in a different way. There were many options I had not tried before. I had found myself returning each week to the same foods, and I was totally bored with eating. 

As a result I kept returning to the pantry to find something that might satisfy my cravings. And sadly that was rarely an apple. 

I decided I need to start looking for something new and the different. I need to discover novelty, and let go of the all too familiar. I learned through this one small incident that, “You don’t see what you don’t look for.”