What If?

What if?

Do you spend a portion of your time asking this question? Sometimes it's fun to ask, "What if I won the lottery?" "What if I could retire early and travel around the country?" 

However, sometimes we ask a different kind of "what if" question. Questions like, "What if I fail?" "What if I embarrass myself?" "What if I'm rejected?" 

These types of "what if" questions can really hold us back when it comes to trying something new. Deborah K. Heisz in Live Happy states simply, "What if's stifle creativity before it can even blossom."  She continues by saying, "By leaving the 'tried and true' pathway of action or thought the individual exposes herself to possible failure and ridicule." 

However, it is only through these "what if" questions that progress and innovation comes about. When those failures happen, and they will, it is only through asking that question again that something is able to "blossom." Start asking yourself "what if" a little more often, and see what happens. 

Harmony

Harmony. 

I've always tried to live my life in a balanced fashion; never leaning too far in one direction or the other. I thought this was the best way to live, and took great pride in my ability to accomplish this. However, the problem with balance is that it's kind of like juggling oranges. One slip in timing and the whole thing comes crashing down. 

Susan Bender Phelps has a different view about balance. She strives for harmony in her life as opposed to balance. Harmony is basically, "a pleasing combination or arrangement of different things." Rather than giving everything an equal value and attempting to balance them, seek to find harmony in the arrangement of values in your life. 

Phelps says, "Balance is very hard to maintain; there is a precariousness to it. But when I think of harmony, I think of music." Deborah K. Heisz, author of Live Happy compares Phelp's life to a symphony, "in which pieces ultimately play in harmony." I had never really considered this life view, but I find it definitely something to aspire toward. I'd much rather enjoy the sweet sound of harmony instead of battling to keep all the oranges in the air. 

Left Brain Right Brain

Left brain, right brain. 

If you were to ask me which hemisphere of my brain was more dominant, I would probably tell you my left. I am very analytical, organized, and view my life as a series of time oriented events. However, on the flip side I am also very imaginative, and funny, and quick to look for resourceful ways to solve my problems. 

And this is where my dilemma arises. I have struggled to call myself a "creative." I am too conventional in my thoughts and appearance. I don't feel comfortable sticking out as different. Although I enjoy art, my lack of drawing ability has kept me from considering myself a true artist. 

How could someone like me who leans so strongly toward the left brain really be creative? And yet in my heart of hearts, I knew I was, and had been my entire life. 

Well apparently new research is dismissing the old myth that only strongly right brained individuals are truly creative. New studies are finding that creativity is a combination of both sides of the brain; a more whole brain approach. According to Deborah K. Heisz in Live Happy "In other words all of us have a creative network just waiting to be activated." 

This was validated just the other day when I took one of those Facebook quizzes about the brain. My results were 55% left brain, and 45% right brain. Of course, this is not a scientific study, but it did help answer my question as to how I could be primarily left brain, and still highly creative. 

If you've given up on yourself as being creative, you might want to reconsider, and look for your own personal route to creativity. 

Greener

Greener. 

Sometimes I try to imagine a different kind of life. Maybe a more hip or trendier life. Last weekend as my husband and I drove around Deep Ellum searching for a BBQ place that's boasts the second best BBQ in Texas, I came to the reality that I like my suburban life. 

Crowded streets, no parking, and long lines just didn't seem very appealing to me. Once before when I anxiously searched for a specific restaurant in Uptown I found myself singing Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks. The combination of too tight of lanes that changed to single lanes on a moments notice, and bumper to bumper traffic all seemed to raise my blood pressure a notch or two.  Then there was the impossible task of locating a parking place, leaving a wing and a prayer as the only option. 

However, my desire to live a more cultural life makes me think that maybe living in an urban setting might facilitate this easier. But in being true to myself, I know that I am better suited for suburban life. In researching further, though, I found that cultural avenues are available beyond the city limits, and I'm only ascribing to false choices if I think it is just one or the other. 

I'm finding it may require a little effort on my part, but I can't help but think that the end results will certainly be rewarding

Right Before Your Eyes

Right before your eyes. 

I went out the other morning to get the paper. When I returned inside and opened the blinds I couldn't help but notice my neighbor's yard across the street was adorned with bright pink flamingos. I had to ask myself how I missed seeing them when I was outside?

They were right before my eyes. Well, technically a little off center, but how do you miss a yard full of pink flamingos? I guess when you are not really looking. 

It got me to wondering about how many other things I've missed, either out of distraction or because I wasn't really paying attention. Maybe being a little more in tune to your surroundings might result in more opportunities for enjoyment. Starting today I want to be more aware of those things right before my very eyes. 

Life's Plan

Life's plan. 

As a teenager when I thought about my future I assumed a lot. I assumed I would get married in my early twenties. I assumed I would have four children. I assumed I would be a stay at home mom, although the term had not yet been coined. I never really asked myself what do I like, what do I want to do, or how do I see myself living my life?

I was reading in the paper the other day about a young couple who were embracing the tiny house movement. Now, I have no desire to live in a tiny house, although I have been longing for a tiny camper, but what struck me about this couple was the why behind their tiny house. Randi and Cody Hennigan stated, "We started talking about our life's plan and where do we want to be. We wanted to spend more time together outdoors."

According to the article in The Dallas Morning News, Nancy Baldwin said, "The tiny house, they realized, would allow them the mobility and flexibility they sought, reduce their footprint and decrease their need for income." I can't help but admire this younger generation making choices about their future in such a thoughtful manner. It seems Baby Boomers and Generation X patterned their lives after the accumulation of bigger and better stuff. Keeping up with the infamous Jones was a driving force of my generation. 

As I enter the next part of my life I don't want to assume anything about the path I should take. I want to thoughtfully consider my, "life's plan and where I want to be." Maybe, these Millennials are onto something. 

Walmart

Walmart. 

I found myself the other day at the Walmart that my Dad used to shop at. His routine was to arrive early in the morning so as to beat the crowd. One day I ran into him as I was turning down an aisle. It made my day to see him there, as he had lived out of state for quite a bit of my adult life. It was good to have him living close by again. 

Dad had a habit of buying the same thing pretty much each week, regardless of whether he needed it or not. At the time I thought it probably had to do with the beginning stages of dementia, but my younger siblings assured me that he had always been that way. Needless to say, you never wanted for toothpaste or Kleenex when you went to visit. 

However, the other day I found myself feeling quite sad as I walked down the aisles. It was earlier than usual for me, and I couldn't help but wish that I might turn down an aisle and run into him again. I missed that big smile and warm laugh. Dad loved to laugh. 

At the time when you are just living your life and shopping at Walmart, you don't realize that someday you will miss that experience. As time went by my brother started taking Dad grocery shopping after church. And then Dad stopped shopping all together. You know it's the little things that don't seem to really matter so much that sometimes become the things you miss the most. 

Sabbatical

Sabbatical. 

I have a childhood friend whose husband is on sabbatical. Although I was familiar with the term, I was curious to explore it further. Sabbaticals were traditionally found in academia where a college professor might take a leave of absence to travel. The thought behind this being that the experiences gained during the sabbatical would only enrich what was taught in the classroom.

Interestingly, the term actually has biblical connections. It correlates to the idea that as humans we need times of rest and rejuvenation. In my earlier years of teaching, the summer months allowed for sabbatical. I used to say it was just enough time to get bored, and be ready to start fresh again in the fall. It also was a time to travel to a new place that usually resulted in learning something new to bring back to the classroom. As the years went by more and more time was spent in training during the summer months, and the time to rest never really happened, causing the new school year to arrive too quickly. 

I really like the idea of sabbatical, and even if taking time away from work is not feasible, maybe looking at how we spend our free time might be a way to approach sabbatical. What can you do in your daily life to rest and rejuvenate? What experiences would broaden your view of the world, and allow you to bring something new to your everyday life?   

I don't have all the answers, but I do think it might be worth exploring. 

Stop and Smell the Roses

Stop and smell the roses. 

I was at the doctor's office the other morning, and as I pulled into my parking space I was reminded of something that had happened twenty-four years before.  My daughter was three, and we had made a trip to the same doctor as today. On the way back to the car we passed a beautiful rose bush. Without skipping a beat my daughter stopped, leaned in and smelled a bright pink rose that happened to be nose level. 

At the time I remember thinking that I could take a lesson or two from that wise little soul. In the hustle and bustle to get back in the car, and move on to the next thing, she really knew what was more important. 

Twenty-four years later that same rose bush still stands, and that morning it brought back such a sweet memory. Life passes by too quickly, and we all need to take a lesson from a three year old little girl; "Stop and smell the roses."

Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving yourself. 

I'm not very good at this. I seem to do a better job of beating myself up over something I have  either done or not done depending on the case. However, being able to forgive yourself and move on is critical for growth. 

Elisha Goldstein, in 7 Things Mindful People Do Differently uses the phrase, "forgive and invite," to clarify this point. After forgiving ourselves we need to investigate what has stood in our way, and then, "invite ourselves to begin again."

In my life this seems to always boil down to the same thing; maintaining my weight loss. I am hard on myself as I find my eating habits spinning out of control once again. Chocolate and chips seem to be calling my name. 

I don't afford myself much grace when it comes to being imperfect. What I found encouraging, though, about her words was the idea of inviting myself to begin again. Remember as a child how exciting it was to get an invitation? If my attitude about starting over again is met with the enthusiasm of an invitation, then it might just be the motivation I need. Whatever needs forgiving in your life may be as simple as accepting the forgiveness and inviting yourself to begin again. 

Focus

Focus.

I came across the word ennui the other day, and although it was unfamiliar to me, after reading its definition, I found it was something I had experienced before. Ennui is pronounced (ahn wee) and it means a feeling of listlessness or dissatisfaction with a current situation. Its synonyms include boredom, tedium and weariness. 


As often is the case I came across something else in my reading that seemed to go hand in hand with ennui. Sarah Young writes, "When you focus on what you don't have or on a situation that displeases you...You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is fixed."

I have found it is easy to get so caught up in the one thing that is wrong that you refuse to enjoy the many things that are right. I keep thinking that if I could just fix the one thing that is causing me dissatisfaction, then everything else will just fall in place. However, chances are there will always be something needing to be fixed. 

Young is correct in pointing out, though, that what we choose to focus on can either shake us out of our doldrums or continue to keep us mired in dissatisfaction. Experiencing ennui gives us the opportunity to make those choices, and hopefully propell us forward. 

The Blue Jean Debacle

The blue jean debacle. 

I wore blue jeans to work the other day. Now this in itself may not sound like a big deal because many workplaces have dedicated blue jean days. Unfortunately for me, this wasn't one of those days. 

On Wednesdays at my school we wear a spirit shirt with either colored jeans or khakis. I generally wear my black jeans on that day. In fact, basically every Wednesday I wear the exact same thing, kind of like Einstein or Steve Jobs. 

Except for some unknown reason this past Wednesday I put on a pair of blue jeans. I guess you could say I must have been distracted, but the truth is I remember specifically thinking about which blue jeans I usually wore on Wednesdays. I chose my skinny leg jeans and it wasn't until I arrived at work that I realized that I had worn the wrong pants. 

Now I wish I could attribute this to an act of rebellion and nonconformity, but I think it may have had more to do with one of those dreaded "senior moments." At the end of the day I found myself slipping past my principal hoping she didn't notice my faux pas, although to be truthful she probably would have gotten a good laugh out of the whole crazy debacle!

Dad's Day

Dad's day. 

I received a text and a photo from the activity director of Dad's Memory Care facility. She was letting me know about the great day Dad had experienced. It began with him participating in a Bible study hosted by the hospice chaplain. Dad usually prefers to stay in his room, but had chosen to take part that day. He sang along with the hymns and nodded in agreement with the message of staying grateful even in circumstances that are not the best. 

The Bible study was followed by a visit from a country singer. Dad always responds to music these days, and enjoyed the performance. Later in the afternoon he boarded the bus for a tour of the blue bonnets followed by a trip to get ice cream. 

The picture I received showed Dad with a wide grin really having a good time. I feel very blessed that Dad has such wonderful people in his life who genuinely care for him. It really is the simple things that make all the difference. 

Red Rubber Ball

Red rubber ball. 

I came across a book the other day at Half-Price Books. Now the thing I really enjoy about this store is that it is like a treasure hunt for a book lover. You never know what you are going to find. I am drawn toward unusual looking books. Sometimes a book itself can be considered a piece of art in its design. 

The particular book I bought was small with a cardboard cover with a small red rubber disc imbedded in its cover. Its title was Rules of the Red Rubber Ball. It is the story of author, Kevin Carroll, who used his love and passion as a child for all things playground related, to propell him into his life's work. 

He describes the idea of the red rubber ball with these words, "Your red rubber ball is what grabs you by the soul. It's what captures your imagination. It's what you do when no one tells you what to do...it's what you daydream, and that dream can become your life's work...if you let it."

One of his rules includes being creative. Through creativity Carroll predicts, "you'll discover new opportunities." For me my red rubber ball has always been books and writing. My childhood best friend and I used to write stories together just for fun. Sadly, as I grew older I kept my writing to myself hoping to avoid judgement and criticism. Today though, through my blog I am able to take out that red rubber ball and do the things I love to do. What is your red rubber ball?

Reunions

Reunions. 

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a reunion with my husband. Over thirty years ago he had served as a Marine Security Guard in Tokyo, Japan and Kingston, Jamaica, and was meeting up with some of his buddies in San Antonio. 

What I really enjoyed about the weekend was the opportunity to meet so many great people. Marines and their wives from all over the country had come to celebrate the brotherhood of this fine organization. Many of the attendees were at least ten years older, but the common bond of service to their country seemed to cut through any uneasiness there might have been in meeting someone new. I even met a woman who taught at my old elementary school in Florida, and didn't live far from my childhood home. 

We had a fun time walking along the Riverwalk, and eating some traditional Tex Mex food as we watched the ducks paddle by begging for food. I also had an opportunity to dance the polka, something I hadn't done in over thirty years. The highlight of the trip was a BBQ dinner and rodeo, which was the perfect way to end the weekend. I'm proud of my Marine and proudly say Semper Fi. 

Haven

Haven. 

A haven is a place of safety or refuge. For most of us our home is our natural haven. In fact Sally and Sarah Clarkson in their book, The Life Giving Home, refer to home as, "Home is the haven of inspiration where the art of life is expressed and taught." 

It seems today, though, that we spend a lot of time away from our homes. Between work, and dinners out, and social obligations often home becomes more of a place to shower and sleep. After retiring from full time teaching I found myself with more time on my hands, and more time at home. 

The interesting thing, however, for me was that I found I didn't really mind being at home. Even the daily tasks that needed to be done around the house seemed more enjoyable when they were not done on the fly. I found home to be a place to cultivate new hobbies and interests. Although, I enjoyed getting out and doing things, I found myself happy to be home again. 

I love their term, "art of life." It seems to elevate our daily living to something so much deeper than a to-do list. In our attempts to do it all, it might be better to slow down and embrace all that our home has to offer. 

The Journey Mindset

The journey mindset. 

Vlad Zachary, author of The Excellence Habit, writes about the Journey Mindset. He says that, "We need the determination to see everything in our lives as part of our own unique journey." 

Sometimes we struggle to understand why something might be happening in our life? For better or worse, the one thing it does do is shape us as a person. Adversity might make us more compassionate toward other's trials. Blessings might make us more grateful. Mistakes are there to teach us lessons that hopefully will help us choose better the next time. 

What we know in our fifties is infinitely more than what we knew in our twenties. Wisdom really is something acquired over the years and probably results in a few battle scars. Each of our lives are uniquely ours to live, and just like fingerprints no two journeys are ever the same. Embrace your journey, accept the lessons, and share what you have learned along the way. 

Significant

Significant. 

"Never think that what you have to offer is insignificant. There will always be someone out there that needs what you are offering."

I have to remind myself of this often. My tendency to compare myself with others results in me questioning whether if what I have to share with the world is worth offering?  But I like to think of the world as being big enough, and that what I have to offer might benefit someone else. 

I've written before about scarcity thinking, and how it can hold you back when you don't think there is enough to go around. Each one of us brings a unique set of abilities to the table, and their impact can be significant.  Embrace the idea of abundance. Share your gifts, talents and abilities freely, knowing there is someone out there waiting for them. 

One Day at a Time

One day at a time. 

Author Sarah Young writes, "Accept the limitations of living one day at a time." We have heard this cliche, often in our lifetime. It rolls easily off the tongue, and really does seem to make sense. 

But in reality how easy is it to put into practice? You see the problem with one day at a time is that we don't know what tomorrow will bring, and because of our human nature we want to know. How can we accept the limitations of this principle? 

If we don't we will spend our days anxiously trying to orchestrate our tomorrow. We try to work things out "before their time," as Young says and that is just not our job to do. 

Reminiscing

Reminiscing. 

The other night when my daughter was visiting we drug out the old videos from her childhood. We especially wanted to view the ones from when she was the same age as her son is now. We all agreed that as adorable as she was as a baby, our little grandson was even cuter. 

We then watched her grow up before our very eyes. She pointed out the fact that today's videos were just short snippets of time captured on a cell phone, and not like the videos of the past that seemed to tell more of a story. 

We laughed as we watched her gobble down gummie bears found in her Easter eggs, and listening to her call me mommy in her two year old voice brought tears to my eyes. My husband and I agreed on the blessing of being her parents, and were grateful for all the fun times we had shared. 

Perhaps the best part of viewing those videos was the reminder of what a great job both our daughter and son-in-law are doing as parents. We couldn't help but be reminded of them as we watched our much younger selves frozen in time parenting our own sweet daughter. Taking that trip down Memory Lane sure was fun!

Awfulizing

Awfulizing. 

I heard this term the other day while listening to the podcast Happier. Gretchen Rubin's sister, screenwriter Elizabeth Craft, was relating how her natural tendency toward worry resulted in awfulizing. 

She explained how she would allow something to spin out of control as she automatically jumped to the worse case scenario. I too am guilty of this. 

I don't know if it's a combination of an overly active imagination plus an analytical mind that leads me toward the worst possible outcome as a real possibility? My solution to awfulizing is being overly planned. I try to think of everything before hand so I'm never left unprepared. I'm so good at this I should have been a Boy Scout. The anxiety this produces is never pleasant. 

To be honest, rarely has the worst case scenario ever come true. Most of the time things have worked out one way or another. Awfulizing is a hard way to live your life, and I don't recommend it. Perhaps I should listen to my own advice.